tranquility in the chaos

For the new year.

2012-01-02T22:26:00.006-05:00

I recently read (somewhere? on the internet) that (someone's?) research says.....

...that people who keep their mouth shut about any 'health/ fitness/weight loss/excercise/better food choices' new years resolutions are more successful than those who blab about them all the time.

I really know how to cite my sources on quality research, right? I honestly don't even remember where I saw it, and I don't think I read more than 2 sentences beyond the article title. But I did think about it a bit more.

And I guess it makes sense to me. When someone declines food without explanation, they are usually left alone. And they usually benefit from encouraging feelings of new empowerment by their own quiet strength. But if they follow up their "no, thank-you" with words like, "I shouldn't" or "I would, except that I'm trying to...." They will be bombarded with "well-meaning" pushy words of "encouragement" about "special rules for special occasions" and "rewarding" one's self...and they will eventually be derailed by 'friends.' I've been on both sides of this conversation, of course. So have you.

So, I won't say anything here about my resolutions for food or excercise or much else, for that matter. :)

But I do have hopes and new resolutions for the fresh year and clean slate of 2012. I love re-starts, re-organization, new disciplines, new hope, and new beginnings.

I'll simply give you one of my long forgotten goals that has resurged in the past week...

Je voudrais apprendre le francais. Non. Je suis determine apprendre parler le francais...cette annee.

So I've been visiting the BBC's Ma France(a free online french course) and pulling out my old 'Conversational French Class' textbook and flash cards. As with many things, I'm now a little obsessed with this new pursuit.

And I have my reasons. But I'm not telling.

2011-12-26T12:00:00.004-05:00

“Our love of course seemed to us a miracle. First love always does, the old, old story sung by poets and sneered at by wrinkled of heart. And yet it is a miracle, an unbelievable miracle, just as every springtime of the earth is a miracle.”

"And there was a principle of courtesy: whatever one of us asked the other to do- it was assumed the asker would weight all consequences--the other would do. Thus one might wake the other in the night and ask for a cup of water; and the other would peacefully (and sleepily) fetch it. We, in fact, defined courtesy as 'a cup of water in the night.' And we considered it a very great courtesy to ask for the cup as well as to fetch it."

~Sheldon VanAuken, A Severe Mercy

Some of my favorite themes from a treasured book. And even better than reading the book, is the realization again and again, that for me, it's not just a romantic dream or a deep and unfulfilled spiritual longing. I'm actually lucky enough to have a love just like this.

Wishing you Joy

2011-12-21T21:36:00.004-05:00

Dear Friends,

If you are reading this, we are probably connected somehow... by a bond of family or friendship or overlapping lives (or lives that overlapped long ago). Our bond may be new or old, growing deeper, or a bit faded with distance, maybe we were close in a different place or time (a completely different life, it may seem). But no matter how our lives are connected, we love you and wish you great joy (and hope and peace) this Christmas.

We are so grateful for His gift of Love....and for the many ways that you have shown us that Love by your lives and your friendship.

Merry Christmas from the Corbins!

Love,

Ang, Ryan, Maya, and Sophia

(p.s.-- Consider this your Christmas card...it's all that's happening this year)

Advent Prayer

2011-12-21T21:28:00.001-05:00

Lord Jesus,

Master of both the light and the darkness,

send your Holy Spirit upon our preparation for Christmas.

We who have so much to do

seek quiet spaces to hear your voice each day.

We who are anxious over many things

look forward to your coming among us.

We who are blessed in so many ways long for

the complete joy of your Kingdom.

We whose hearts are heavy

seek the joy of your presence.

We are your people,

walking in darkness yet seeking the light.

To you we say

“Come, Lord Jesus”.

Amen.

~Henri Nouwen

"Sisters..."

2011-12-19T18:25:00.006-05:00

"...Sisters
Never were there such devoted sisters."

(Creepy make-up, I know. It was 'required' for her dance recital. She looks frighteningly like her future 16 year old self. But I love their embrace in this picture. So excited and happy.)

Right now, as I type, I'm listening up the stairs.....to Maya breathlessly singing... "two different faces, but in tight places...."

She can hardly keep her voice going for all the dancing she's doing. I hear her feet thumping around.

A minute ago, as they got their pajamas on, Maya and Sophie went back and forth (about twelve times) saying, "thirsty" (Maya) and "thuh-sty" (Sophie).

It started like this...

Sophie: (from the bathroom, probably getting a dixie cup full of water) Maya, ah you thusty?
Maya: (a bit mockingly) Thusty? Sophie, do you mean thirsty?
Sophie: Yeah, thusty. Ah you thusty, Maya?
Maya: Sophie! It's THIRSTY. Say THIRSTY.
Sophie: Thusty
Maya: Thirsty
Sophie: Thusty
Maya: THIRRRRRRR... Sophie, say Thirrrrrrrrrr
Sophie: THUUUUUUUH
Maya: THIRRRRRRR... Sophie, say Thirrrrrrrrrr
Sophie: THUUUUUUUH
Maya: (sweetly condescending) goooood, Sophie. Thirrrrrrrr...
Sophie: Thuuuuuuuuh
Maya: Thirrrrrrrrr...

...and it went on like this for quite some time. Then, the song began... "Sisters, sisters..."

I'm not making this up.

But I should go send them to bed.

I've been hunting

2011-11-19T22:30:00.004-05:00

...for the original clothes for my American Girl "Kirsten" doll ever since I brought her out of storage for Maya and Sophie to play with. Until a few months ago, she was packed up in a clear zippered bag on a shelf in the basement, just waiting for the day my daughters were ready.

This summer, when one of Maya's generous friends decided to just GIVE her an (extra) American Girl doll...(and a Bitty Baby for Sophie, and dresses and accessories, etc.) it was time. I decided to get my Kirsten out, so that when another friend came over to play (that same day), they could play together. But my doll had no clothes. I just knew that they were packed away carefully in a shoe box...somewhere. I asked my parents to search my old closet, the garage storage, the crawl space...

When I was little, I knew that ownership of such a doll was no small thing. In fact, no one gave her to me. I'm pretty sure I knew better than to even ask. I carefully studied (or memorized) the catalog as I saved my money...for...years. When I finally had the $90, I ordered her.

Just the doll. Not the extra accessories...

Not any of the other outfits or books or furniture either. I made those. I sewed a detailed quilt by hand, my dad built a poster bed, and I made pillows, a sham, a fitted sheet & top sheet, I made her an apron, my mother sewed her an extra dress. I loved this doll. And I loved the historic time she represented and all the ways she excited my imagination.

I do have issues with the whole game that the "American Girl" company runs. While there are a few great ideals wrapped up in the "American Girl" package, it mostly seems to be a slick and brilliant business, marketing endless products and accessories, all exhorbitantly priced, offering branding and identity shaping, early materialism building.... The whole machine makes me a bit cynical.

But I'm obviously still (a little?) guiltily hooked. I try to be a skeptic, but deep down, it's really hopeless for me.

After that day that I pulled my Kirsten out of storage, I did a little internet searching on her. She's 'retired' now, and sells for over $300 new. Not that I'd ever try to sell her (she's not in good enough shape if I did)...I was however a bit more desperate to find those original clothes. I called my parents again. I went there and dug through my old closet myself. No luck.

Tonight, as Ryan pulled down the Christmas boxes from the garage attic, he found a box, a huge forgotten plastic tub. He thought it might hold some of my childhood things. He was right. It was filled with baby blankets and six labeled shoe boxes, each a treasure chest for a sentimental mother of two little daughters. Inside the tub, I found my old Madame Alexander baby doll from my Aunt Connie, my only "Barbie" (not a real worldly Barbie, of course. Mine was actually a Biblical "Esther" doll purchased at the local Christian book store), my Hatian doll (brought back by missionaries), a white and pink quilt from my bed, a few of my prettiest baby clothes, several doll dresses, and my beloved "Sarah" cabbage patch doll.

I had a handsewn "cabbage patch-wanna-be doll" for a long time (that someone made lovingly for me, I'm sure), but it just was never the same to me. I always wanted a real one, like all my friends had. When I was seriously ill in the hospital as a five-year-old, my next-door neighbors bought one for me. I still remember opening the box in my hospital bed. She had long brown hair and brown eyes like mine. She wore authentic cabbage patch accessories, white & pink pin-stripe jeans, white tennis shoes with pink stripes, a pink rain jacket (all found preserved in this magical bin). Owning her then made me feel SO rich.

And in the box on the bottom, Kirsten's things. The pillow I made for her bed with a ruffled edge and heart hand stiched in the center, a red flannel nightgown (which will be perfect for our Corbin family Christmas red-flannel pajamas tradition) and Kirsten's original dress and apron.

I'm full of once forgotten memories now, and...pretty excited to reveal my treasures in the morning to my two sleeping girls.

day for giving thanks

2011-11-18T13:31:00.010-05:00

On days like today, it's so easy. The wind keeps roaring wildly as it passes by the house and plows into the siding. The leaves are swirlng everywhere and the golden sunlight makes all of it glow. (I know, I have an obnoxiously recurring thing about 'golden sunlight' and wind. I just can't get over them. I think these kind of days force me to blog becuase I feel just too full.) When I happen to notice life-giving beauty for a moment, it seems time-less and mesmerizing, and I desperately want to store it up...to make it through the not-so-beautiful days.

The perfection of the magical picture outside my window isn't real. I'm well aware. Life just isn't quite that picturesque. For the past three weeks, I've been sick, ...hacking and coughing, struggling to breathe every night. Sore and weak from not sleeping, I've been grumpy and whiny too. In my exhaustion I tend to worry about things I care deeply about but can't solve. I've also begun to feel that nagging sense of urgency about my students' upcoming concert and my lack of remaining rehearsal time.

Ryan was gone on a business trip the night before last, and my single-mom-for-a-night self was frustrated and impatient with my squirelly children who where being silly and ridiculous and NOT getting ready for bed after a late night out at Wednesday night church. After a tearful saga and loud and a rather dramatic bedtime routine, we all finally slept.

Yesterday, the girls played with their Nana, while I spent the day listening to beautiful (as well as awful) violin, viola, and cello sounds, listening to (and attempting to offer wise advice? for) elementary playground conflicts, passing out bandaids, comforting tears, and hearing delightful stories about hours spent practicing and new songs memorized.

Now today, all seems well again. So my gratitude kicks in. Looking back, my week was just busy enough, with days at home, and work that I love at school. I feel full and accomplished and overflowing with gratitude for this restful day. My love for my students is growing as I watch them grow and our knowledge of one another grows too. They delighted me with enthusiastic stories of their practicing accomplishments this week.

Ryan arrived back home last night after two business trips in two weeks. And today, after work he begins his full week of vacation. (I'm envisioning a new mantle built over the fireplace and boxes of Christmas decorations being unpacked, stockings hung, lights twinkling...)

Sophie is sleeping upstairs after our fun morning of bringing Maya to school, sipping our coffee and chocolate milk at Starbucks, cleaning our house, reading stories, and bringing birthday oranges to Great Grandpa Andy & Grandma Marge. While we were there, Sophie got several rides down the hall on their walker (which I think is only used for giving Sophie rides?). They made her a bowl of Mrs. Grass chicken noodle soup at her request (at 10:30 AM!?) and a cup of instant coffee for me. We dug around their apartment through three bedrooms full of old cassette tapes, VHS tapes, books, pictures, boxes of yarn and old greeting cards searching for the DVD of Anne of Green Gables. The grandchildren bought it for Grandma last year for Mother's Day, but she couldn't remember where it was. When we finally found it, we discovered a broken DVD/VHS player. A problem that will need to be solved soon.

But the time was lovely, and I can't get over how grateful I am that my daughters have such rich connections with (four sets!! of ) grandparents and great grandparents. I've always had special grandparent connections too, but mine always lived far away, and my Great Grandparents where all gone before I was born. My children have an almost daily kind of life with Grandparents. Something I never even imagined. Today, Sophie's 93 year old great grandfather hopped down to his knees (as if it were no big deal) to give her a big good-bye hug. She ran to meet him (and I envisioned, with horror, her wild force knocking him over) and gave him a gentle hug. (phew)

beef & barley

2011-10-29T22:34:00.002-04:00

We're a little low on (okay...almost completely out of) groceries. But I really wanted dinner to be waiting for us after church tonight. And I had some beef tips in the freezer, a few carrots in the fridge, and a semi-well-stocked pantry,....so... this afternoon, I put the slow-cooker and the bread machine to work.

Beef & Barley
Beef tips (for stew), browned
2 carrots, chopped
1 onion, chopped
8 garlic cloves pressed
1 cup dry barley
3 cups beef broth
14.5 oz canned tomatoes (with Italian seasoning)
1 1/2 cups water
garlic powder (to taste)
salt (to taste)
pepper (to taste)

with Honey Whole Wheat Bread in the bread machine.

As soon as we stepped inside the house tonight, Maya turned around with big eyes and said to me, "It smells SO GOOD in here!!!" and added a few seconds later..."Home. Sweet. Home!"

We're all excited for left-overs for lunch tomorrow.

Our Little House

2011-10-23T10:26:00.002-04:00

When Laura left home to take her first teaching assignment, she stayed with the Brewster family in a town 12 miles away. Every night of her stay was miserable, awkward, cold, and sometimes frightening. The Brewster family was very unhappy, their child neglected, their home a mess, and their words were always bitter and angry. Sometimes there was cold silence for evenings on end, broken only by loud arguments and hateful words screamed all night long.
Although Laura never told anyone about her miserable lodgings, Almanzo came to the little school every Friday to bring Laura home for the weekend. She realized, as she left one world and entered another, that her home was warm and safe because of the love and kindness that her family had for one another. There were no angry words, no selfish complaints, no sharp arguments. Everyone did a great deal of work to provide for one another. The chores were hard and never ending, but everyone helped each other willingly with love and gratitude.

I wonder how much, if any, of this story is fiction. It doesn't really matter. I still love the contrasting pictures of family life.

And I use the images of the two women, Mrs. Brewster and Ma Ingalls to remind myself of the kind of mother I want my girls to remember. The kind of home I want to build. The sort of memories I want my daughters to have of how they felt...when they were home.

I have to admit, I also use the story to teach my girls about the effects of their words too. When I hear them yelling, arguing, whining, I sometimes ask "What kind of words do we want to fill our home with?"

I'm just waiting for the day when they turn around and ask me that same question.

C.S. Lewis...in the role of "Uncle Screwtape"

2011-10-20T23:51:00.002-04:00

Screwtape...on tape...in my car. Horrifying and funny. Makes the "real world" outside my car... seem very different. Far more poignant now than the first time I read it as a teenager.

"Aggravate that most useful human characteristic, the horror and neglect of the obvious. You must bring him to a condition in which he can practice self-examination for an hour without discovering any of those facts about himself which are perfectly clear to anyone who has ever lived in the same house with him or worked in the same office."

"Do what you will, there is going to be some benevolence, as well as some malice, in your patient's soul. The great thing is to direct the malice to his immediate neighbours whom he meets every day and to thrust his benevolence out to the remote circumference, to people he does not know. The malice thus become wholly real and the benevolence largely imaginary."

“The Enemy (God) wants him, in the end, to be so free from any bias in his own favour that he can rejoice in his own talents as frankly and gratefully as in his neighbour’s talents-or in a sunrise, an elephant, or a waterfall.”

“The characteristic of pains and pleasures is that they are unmistakably real, and therefore, as far as they go, give the man who feels them a touchstone of reality.”

In second grade violin class...

2011-10-07T21:28:00.001-04:00

...we've been spending our first few weeks "getting to know the violin" and "getting to know the bow"...separately.

We know the parts of the violin and how to put it away in its case and how to take good care of it. We practice holding the violin in shoulder position...plucking the strings, learning their names and sounds.

We've also met the bow. We've practiced carefully removing the bow from the case, tightening and loosening the horse hair, rosining the bow. We've even practiced holding the bow correctly.

But every time I see a group of second graders in the hall or at recess they ask, "Do we get to play them together yet? Can the violin and bow meet now???"

This week, one second grader raised his hand and said thoughtfully (and innocently, I should add),

"Mrs. Corbin, even though the bow and the violin have

never even met,

they've been sleeping together all this time!"

2011-09-29T23:01:00.000-04:00

Pork Roast and Vegetables with Biscuit Crust
or...how to make some simple and crazy delicious comfort food with your pork roast left-overs:

1 pork roast cooked all day in crock pot (seasoned with garlic and onion)
potatoes, carrots, and onions cooked with roast in crock pot with broth.

Cut pork into bite sized pieces. Spoon all 'left-overs' into pie dish. Top with cooked peas (or any other vegetables on hand), sprinkle with a bit of dry tapioca, salt & pepper, and chicken broth.

While vegetables & meat are heating in the pie dish in the oven or microwave, prepare biscuit dough.

My Biscuit Recipe
combine:
2 cups flour (1 cup whole wheat/ 1 cup white)
1 tablespoon baking powder
1/2 tsp. salt

Add 1 stick unsalted butter (yup, it's that bad for you) chopped into small cubes
Pulse mixture until course meal forms.
Add 2/3 cup of cream (or milk) and mix well.

Spoon biscuit dough on top of "pie."

Bake 20-25 minutes in 425 degree oven.

2011-09-21T22:15:00.003-04:00

"Shrimp cooked with tomatoes, a touch of cream, white wine and a hint of lemon. This pasta dish is so simple to make and is ready in about 15 minutes, perfect for a weeknight meal."

That's what "Gina" said about the Angel Hair with Shrimp and Tomato Sauce, and I need as many perfect weeknight meals as I can get.

Ingredients:
1 lb large shrimp, peeled and deveined
1 tbsp olive oil
3 cloves garlic, chopped
1/4 cup white wine
14 oz can diced tomatoes, drained
1/2 cup half and half
oregano
salt and fresh pepper
1 tsp lemon juice
1/4 cup chopped parsley (I added fresh basil and oregano too)
8 oz angel hair pasta (whole wheat, low carb or high fiber)
Directions:
Boil water for pasta. Cook according to package instructions.Meanwhile, season shrimp with salt and oregano. Cook shrimp and garlic in olive oil in a large skillet over medium heat for about 2 minutes. Add tomatoes, wine, salt and pepper and cook an additional minute. Add half and half and cook 1 more minute.Add lemon juice and parsley and serve over pasta. Divide equally in 4 plates.

Now that we are back into the familiar groove of school, I'm still feeling grateful and happy to be a teacher. I love summer, but I think I'd feel lucky in my job even without those three months off every year!

Today was just one of those great days. I felt prepared for the day, more organized (than last year), confident in my role, and surrounded by lovable students excited to make music.

Maya is loving Kindergarten. She seems to come home every day either exhausted, or incredibly (obnoxiously) hyper....and full of stories. Some stories come out immediately in the car, others just pop up over dinner, or bedtime...or days later. And some of her stories are just for me, conspiratorially whispered into my ear when Ryan is across the room. She finished her last vowel today in class. And with her mixture of Ryan's meticulous perfectionism...and my...distracted, free-spirited...creativity?....it's a challenge sometimes to get all her schoolwork done in timely manner. But, every paper she does finish looks...impeccable. So our new motto is "Do your best, but GET IT DONE!"

Sometimes I have to repeat that motto again and again...for me. Just to stay on task. Between the laundry and ironing, the house-cleaning, the dinners and the dishes, the online coursework and reading and communication, the lesson planning, and school paperwork, the Kindergarten papers, and the places to be, the doctors appointments, and the pretend play, the puzzles, and the storybook reading, and the important conversations and times with friends....I get a little...off task at times, running frantically between jobs, never finishing any. And sometimes, I just end up on the couch, bewildered at where to start. Then there's always facebook! :)

But this week, the crazy chaos is manageable. And quite fun. I love my new schedule. I miss the faces and the familiar routines, the musical fun, the shared history that my old teaching role provided for so many years. I will cherish my memories, and 'my kids' there forever. But I'm feeling much more settled, more rooted this year, both as a Mother and as a Strings Teacher. I love my days with just Sophie and our Tuesdays with just me and both girls. We go to ballet and gymnastics, and we play together and read and talk all day. I'm pretty lucky.

And next weekend, my Love is taking me away for my belated birthday celebration. Two days and one night in Chicago alone. Just the anticipation is a perfectly delightful gift.

Back to school.

2011-09-01T23:46:00.001-04:00

The world seems to be suddenly spinning at a faster pace.
I think we'll settle into this new routine alright, but getting prepared is a little overwhelming at times, and I'm not quite as 'together' as I'd hoped at this point. Ahead of last year, definitely. Will I ever feel completely organized, prepared, and in control?

I just turned in my first paper of the semester. And I think my online class is going to be manageable. I had been pretending that this course would actually just disappear from my agenda this year, though I need it to have a professional teaching license. I've been dragging my feet about becoming a student again and ignoring the existence of this one last class. But one class, without driving to Lansing all week... this will be fine. And it will be over before Christmas.

Maya is heading to school this year too. Her backpack has been ready for weeks, and we're all pretty excited about Kindergarten. I'll post her first-day pictures soon!

This time of year always comes with a powerful mixture of feelings... nervous anticipation, panic, sadness in mourning the loss of summer, a bit of regret at the plans left undone, relief for the fresh start, excitement for new routine and hope for big possibilities for growth and accomplishment.

A post from the past that seems fitting today...

2011-08-29T03:00:00.000-04:00

"So many pieces of who I am and what I value have been acquired through years of watching and listening to my big brothers. They have, in ways that I'm sure I don't even recognize, shaped me...my understanding of family, of love, of friendship, trust, parenthood, faith. In unique ways, they each continue to challenge and sharpen my understanding of who I am, how I perceive and think about the world, and how I know and love my Creator.
Different seasons of my life have particular memories of times spent with each one of them..."

(And since today is his birthday...I pick brother David to celebrate.)

Some of the only times in my life that I've felt physically strong, athletic, fast, were the hours I spent practicing basketball in our driveway, learning to dribble and shoot with David, or attempting to copy his jump-rope routine to become a higher jumper. Along with my dad, it was David that taught me to kick a soccer ball, shoot a basketball, serve a volleyball, bump, set....and well, (I watched him) 'spike'.

He made college seem magical when I visited him for 'Little Sibs' weekend. I have a truly terrible memory (I'm realizing this more and more), but strangely, I have remarkably solid memories of those weekends with David, just going to his classes and drawing in my sketch book, 'hanging out' with his friends, playing in a sibling 'game show' with him on campus (we didn't win, and I still remember the 2 questions we got wrong), having my presence announced in his dorm by loud shouts of "Woman in the hall!!"...I was probably about 10.

I fondly remember sitting in his classroom as a high-schooler, feeling proud, happy, and actually challenged to think (too often a rarity in high school). My friends loved and respected him so much, and I loved knowing that. He shaped a lot of my friends' lives too.

And in more recent years...I smile when I think about running back and forth between our houses to borrow a vaccuum, an egg, a spare key, a lawn mower, dinner, to share cookies, to use a shower, to return a run-away dog, to ask a question. He always seems to be close when I'm locked out of my house, my car won't start, I'm stuck in the snow, or I've run out of gas. David has rescued me a lot. He does that well. Only, it was way easier when we were neighbors. I do miss Forest Hills.

And now, I get to watch the way that he loves my daughters and they love him. His eyes shine when he bends down to hug them. Sometimes they run for their hug, but sometimes they giggle and run away. He is the self-proclaimed "Yes Uncle." He explained it to me once, "if they ask me for something they want, I say yes." I laughed and rolled my eyes a little, I think. It isn't really true, I hope.

And once again, I get to sit in his 'classroom' sometimes. Lately, he's been preaching about love from I Corinthians. And I feel like I hear him just a little differently than most of the people who hear his teaching, because I'm lucky enough to know how he has always shown me love in his own quiet and steady, always dependable, never selfish, frequently rescuing, and even tender-when-necessary way.

Happy Birthday David. I love you.

I posted a similar blog post back in 2008. I've used several quotes from the original, but added and deleted some as well.

Massachusetts

2011-08-28T23:22:00.000-04:00

In early August, we embarked on a whirlwind trip to visit cousins in Ohio, cousins in Springfield Massachusetts, and even a 'quick' trip to Philadelphia to see more cousins for a total of 16 cousins, 2 Aunts, and 2 Uncles visited in three different states in just one week. This post is only going to attempt to cover the four days spent in Massachusetts.

Day 1: The Springfield Zoo...
...was a little sad (in the way that all zoos can be), but then, the day was just a little wet, dreary, sticky and hot, with threatening thunder and lightning. It had a classic sort of look though, which Ryan loved. It seemed to be the kind of zoo that is always in storybooks, like Curious George or Goodnight Gorilla. It was a short adventure, a quiet way to start the week of fun.

Ice cream on the farm.

There is something pretty great about hearing 'moo-ing' cows while licking your ice-cream cone.

Day 2: A Colonial New England kind of day at Sturbridge Village
We packed our lunches and took a beautiful drive to fun place, a restored colonial village where all the employees dress in authentic colonial clothes and demonstrate what life was like long ago...caring for sheep, sheering the sheep, spinning the wool, growing the food and herbs, dyeing the yarn with plants from the garden, knitting the yarn,...
It was quite an experience, the kind of place where you just kept discovering more and wishing you had more time.

Day 3: Boston

One day in Boston wasn't long enough, but it did allow us to see the New England Aquarium, enjoy fresh lobster rolls, wander through Faneuil Hall, eat in Quincy Market, and (almost coincidentally) run into my oldest brother (on a run while visiting Boston for a conference). Sadly, we ran out of time to enjoy "the worlds best cannoli". We'll have to visit again.

Day 4: Eric Carle Museum.
This was a return visit to the museum for us, though our girls were much littler last time. And this place never disappoints. There were tears when we left. (Though the heightened emotions may have had more to do with the need for lunch and nap-time)

Though the food and the adventures were amazing, the best part of Massachusetts was by far the family we miss. Meeting and holding baby Bridgett, playing with big sister Chloe and staying up way too late talking and laughing with Kelly and Sean was worth all the driving...even Pennsylvania. Lucky for us, they'll be in Michigan in just a few days!

Day 5: New York City

"On our way" home, we ended up spontaneously driving into NYC. I was a bit silly with excitement over this unexpected treat. There is more to that story, but it will have to wait...

a great conversation from long ago...

2011-08-28T16:38:00.001-04:00

...suddenly remembered.

In the hallway, a strings student, came running up to me with a hug.

student: "Oh hi Mrs. Corbin!! I love strings class!"

me: "I do too, isn't it fun? I love that I get to be a music teacher."

student: "yes....you are pretty lucky...but what are you going to do when you grow up?"

Ginger Root

2011-08-25T00:06:00.000-04:00

We found it at the Farmer's Market last week. I described to the girls what I thought ginger root might look like and told them to hunt for it as we passed each booth. We found our cucumbers, tomatoes corn, peaches, Boston Bibb lettuce, zucchini and squash... but no ginger root. Finally, after circling the entire market, we found it, right next to the booth where we started. Maya spotted it again today in the grocery store, and I was a little proud.

I was surprised by the almost citrus-y aroma of the cut ginger. It has quite a strong flavor in the dish, especially when you bite into a whole piece of it. The root that we bought cost less than a dollar and I only used about an eighth of it tonight. I think we'll have to look for some more recipes with fresh ginger.

Chicken with Ginger

Ingredients

1 three-inch piece fresh ginger, peeled and cut into 1/8-inch-thick matchsticks (1/2 cup)
2 tablespoons canola oil
1 1/2 pounds boneless, skinless chicken breasts, cut into 1 1/2-inch chunks
1 large onion, thinly sliced
2 cloves garlic, minced
1/4 cup soy sauce
2 tablespoons white vinegar
2 tablespoons sugar
1/2 cup sliced scallions

Directions

1. Soak ginger in cold water 10 minutes; drain.

2. Heat oil in a skillet over high heat; brown chicken in two batches, 6 to 8 minutes. Set aside.

3. In same skillet over medium heat, cook ginger, onion, and garlic, stirring until browned, 8 to 10 minutes. Add soy sauce, vinegar, and sugar; cook over high heat until thick, 3 to 4 minutes. Add chicken; stir to warm. Remove from heat; stir in scallions.

4. Serve over rice noodles, or chinese noodles, or rice.

Thank you, Martha Stewart for a lovely dinner.

I took this picture back in June...

2011-08-24T21:21:00.000-04:00

Ryan and I were on a date, leaning against the lighthouse, watching the sunset and the boats coming in the channel. The pier was crowded that night, and as this boat came closer, almost every eye followed it. And I couldn't resist taking a picture (or three). I never guessed that in just a few months, I'd be one of the lucky people enjoying a sunset cruise on that very boat. And I wouldn't have believed you even for a second if you'd suggested that I might be the one holding the wheel. If I hadn't been so nervous about hitting the pier or another boat....I'd have really enjoyed the view of the channel from a different angle.

I can't say I didn't enjoy it though...a thrill I won't forget for a long time. Which is probably good, since it probably won't be repeated for a long time either.

Another rough day at the beach...

2011-08-19T20:19:00.000-04:00

...so rough, in fact, that we (2 semi-responsible moms) completely lost track of time. And just after promising ice-cream to four children (who, ran obediently out of the water at the word...'ice-cream')....we realized it was 5:00 PM! So four (or six) kiddie cones later, we hurried home for dinner.

The Beans were having stew (all-day cooking in the crock-pot) and we had one more new dish to prepare from another new favorite cooking blogger I found from a friend's facebook post.

It will be repeated soon in our house...

Creamy Chicken Marsala Pasta

adapted from a recipe at What’s Cookin Chicago
2 large boneless, skinless chicken breasts cut into bite sized pieces or strips
1- 10oz package of baby bella mushrooms, sliced
1 small onion, chopped
4 tablespoons olive oil
3 cloves garlic, minced
¾ cup Marsala wine
½ cup chicken broth
¼ cup half & half (or heavy cream)
1 pound pasta
1/2 cup grated Parmesan + more for serving
Salt & pepper to taste
Fresh basil, finely chopped

Season the chicken with salt & pepper. Cook the chicken in a large skillet with about 2 tablespoons of olive oil. Transfer to plate when done.

Boil the water and cook pasta until al dente.

While the water is boiling add another 2 tablespoons of olive oil to the pan then add the garlic, mushrooms and onions. Cook for 10 – 15 minutes. Put the cooked chicken back into the skillet. Add the Marsala, chicken broth and half & half. Bring to a boil then lower to a simmer. Cook until sauce has thickened. About 3 – 5 minutes.

Drain the pasta and reserve ½ cup of the cooking water. Add the pasta to the same skillet and add in ½ cup of Parmesan & the chopped basil. Cook until the pasta has absorbed some of the sauce (about 1 minute). Add in reserved cooking water if needed.

Season with salt, pepper and garnish with a sprinkling more of cheese.

Garlic and Lime

2011-08-17T21:07:00.000-04:00

We opted for the healthier (and more kid-friendly) plain brown rice over the cilantro lime rice this time. But we loved our corn on the cob and the juicy flavors of the pork (that marinated all day). While we ate, the peaches and blueberries were baking in the oven, covered in a light glaze of brown sugar, cinnamon, lemon juice, and melted butter. The warm fruit was delicious, especially with the whipped cream topping.

Garlic Lime Marinated Pork Chops
Gina's Weight Watcher Recipes
Servings: 4 • Serving Size: 1 pork chop • Old Points: 4 pts • Points+: 5 pts
Calories: 194.6 • Fat: 7.8 g • Protein: 27.7 g • Carb: 2.3 g • Fiber: 0.6 g • Sodium: 235.5 mg

Ingredients:

4 (6 oz each) lean boneless pork chops
4 cloves garlic, crushed
1 tsp cumin
1 tsp chili powder
1 tsp paprika
1/2 lime, juice of
lime zest
salt and fresh pepper

Directions:
Trim any fat off pork. In a large bowl season pork with garlic, cumin, chili powder, paprika, salt and pepper. Squeeze lime juice and some zest from the lime and let it marinade at least 20 minutes. Grill. Serve with cilantro lime rice.

Dessert...and Breakfast

2011-08-17T00:06:00.000-04:00

Apple Banana Bran Muffins

1 cup whole wheat flour
1 tsp baking soda
3/4 tsp baking powder
1 1/2 tsp ground cinnamon

1/4 cup raisins chopped into small bits
1 egg
1/4 cup fat free milk
1/2 cup Stonyfield Farms Non-fat Vanilla Yogurt
1 tbsp vegetable oil
1 tbsp unsweetened applesauce
2 apples cored and finely chopped
2 large bananas smashed
1/2 cup honey
1/2 cup All-Bran cereal
1/2 cup Bran Flakes cereal
3 tbsp Flax Seed

Topping:
1/3 cup oatmeal
1 tbsp whole wheat flour
1 tbsp butter
1 tbsp cinnamon & sugar mixture

1. Preheat oven to 400 degrees and spray muffin tins with cooking spray (6 large "Texas" muffins or 12 regular sized muffins will be made)
2. Combine first four ingredients in a small bowl, stir, set aside
3. Combine raisins, egg, milk, yogurt, oil, applesauce, chopped apple, banana, honey cereal, and flaxseed. Stir and let sit for about 5 minutes until cereal is softened.
4. Mix the dry ingredients with the wet and stir only until combined.
5. Mix the topping ingredients together and pulse mixture with fingers until butter is thoroughly mixed.
6. Fill muffin tins almost completely full, sprinkle topping over each muffin, and bake for approximately 20 minutes or until toothpick inserted into middle of muffin comes out clean.

I created this version of the muffins (adding the flax seed, bran flakes, yogurt, and the oatmeal topping) based on a recipe I found here.

Angel Hair with Shrimp and Asparagus

2011-08-16T20:15:00.000-04:00

After a long morning of playing inside and out and an early lunch, the girls and I hit the Farmers Market, the discount bread store, then...a marathon Meijer trip. We had lots of coupons and a very long list. The refrigerator and pantry are now full and we actualy have a good plan for our dinners this week.

Tonight... (a recipe from "Gina")

Angel Hair with Shrimp and Asparagus
Gina's Weight Watcher Recipes
Servings: 4 • Serving Size: 1 1/2 cups • Old Points: 7 pts • Points+: 9 pts
Calories: 378.4 • Fat: 6.8 g • Carbs: 52.1 g • Fiber: 8.5 g • Protein: 31.6 g

1 bunch asparagus, tough ends removed, quartered
1 tbsp olive oil
6-8 ripe plum tomatoes, diced
2 cloves garlic, thinly sliced
12 oz large shrimp, peeled and deviened
1/2 cup fat free chicken broth
2 oz white wine
salt and fresh pepper
1/2 tsp herbs de Provence (or you can use your favorite herbs)
tiny pinch of red pepper flakes (gives it a little kick)
8 oz angel hair pasta, high fiber or low carb

Heat a large skillet on high heat. Season shrimp with salt and pepper. When skillet is hot, spray with oil and add shrimp. Cook shrimp about 2 minutes in each side until almost cooked through and remove from the pan. Set aside.

Reduce skillet heat to medium, add olive oil and garlic and sauté until golden, careful not to burn. Add tomatoes and season with salt and pepper. Simmer about 4 minutes. Add white wine and broth and stir. Add asparagus, salt, pepper and herbs. Cover and simmer for 10 minutes on medium low heat.

While sauce is simmering, boil salted water and cook pasta until desired tenderness. Drain when done.
After sauce simmers 10 minutes, add shrimp to sauce to finish cooking, about 1 minutes (Do not overcook or shrimp will get tough). Add pasta to the sauce and toss well. Divide equally in 4 bowls and top with a good grated cheese.

This was surprisingly spicy and flavorful. I think I'll have to fight Ryan for the left-overs tomorrow at lunch time.

Love...

2011-08-15T00:06:00.000-04:00

...is enduring. It isn't fragile. It is....

...patient .
(PATIENT: "longsuffering, having a 'large soul'--BIG enough to absorb insult and injury like Jesus.")

Love is kind.
(gentle, tender, affectionate. It wishes well.)

It isn't envious,
or boastful,
or arrogant,

...or rude.
(Loving means to give myself up...not ever taking something from others rashly.
Love gives graciously...even when they don't deserve it.)

Love does not insist on its own way.
It is not irritable.
It is never resentful or bitter.
It never delights in wrongdoing.
It always rejoices in truth.

~These are words that cut me deeply. All at once, they produce sorrow and regret, inspire change and hopefulness and bring awareness of my continual need to be transformed.

Mostly, I fail on this love rubric in ridiculous moments of insignificance. Finding that I am just a little bit under appreciated and slightly used, I add a few things to my secret "list of ways others have wronged me and/or those I love." And then, when I am too small to bear this burden of (insignificant) injury, I speak or act out of resentment and my own increasingly irritable mood. I suppose I'm just acting out of boredom and selfishness, when I allow my mind to discover small injuries in which to plant resentment. Sometimes the injuries are bigger, and it's easier to justify my angry list making. In those circumstances, I probably plant my bitterness a little deeper and even nurture it happily, feeling SO right in my anger. I do this destructive planting, with full knowledge... that LOVE cannot be nourished in my life, cannot grow or bear any fruit...if my heart makes room for any of these things that it 'is not.'

This "Love is not _____ List" may be one of the most practical sets of words to meditate on.

But really, my favorite words come later.
The words that help me understand just a little bit better just how wide and how long and how high is the the love of Christ...

Love
PROTECTS...

Love...
...bears all things,
believes all things,
hopes all things,
endures all things.

Love never fails.

I just can't get over this beautiful picture of love
protecting,
sheltering,
building,
and holding up.

Hoping (instead of despairing).

Enduring... without end.

How ugly and small and foolish....seem all the selfish, delusions of "love" that I am so prone to run toward. How disgusting is my selfishness and pettiness, my doubt and worry... in light of this enormous and powerful picture of LOVE.

I think Paul was kind of ranting on the many ways that love (was then, and) is so often misrepresented and mistaken for cheaper versions of 'happiness' and shallow attraction to things and relationships that seem like they will satisfy. The word 'love' is even used to disguise and justify our most hurtful, self-gratifying, manipulative, destructive acts.

This misrepresentation of love, this epidemic blindness to, and distortion of love sometimes make me feel hopeless. When I look around and see too many broken things, I tend to put people and circumstances and problems into compartments in my mind that to me, are beyond the reach of love. They seem unsolvable and too ugly to be healed by love, so I try to harden my heart around them so that they don't hurt quite as much, and I am not surprised and disappointed by the destruction and loss. But no matter how I might harden my heart and forget what I know to be true....

LOVE still...

...bears all things,
believes all things,
hopes all things,
endures all things.

Love never fails.

...thoughts I needed to remember from this morning's teaching from I Corinthians 13.

Panzanella Salad

2011-08-09T16:06:00.000-04:00

A day at the beach...and dinner on the deck.

Grilled Chicken, corn on the cob, brown rice, and...

Panzanella Salad:
2-3 Large Red Garden Tomatoes (Roma or other), chopped
1-2 Garden Cucumbers, sliced
Green leaf lettuce (or butter, or bibb, etc.)
Fresh Mozzarella (cut into cubes)
Toasted bread (cute into small squares)
Kalamata olives

Dressing: (recipe from my friend, Erica)
1/2 cup of olive oil with 1/4 cup of balsamic vinegar add salt and pepper (I sprinkle in 4 shakes from my salt and pepper shaker) and 2 Tbls of sugar (or 1 packet of stevia).

"I like not only to be loved,..."

2011-08-07T23:39:00.000-04:00

"...but also to be told I am loved." ~George Eliot

Before our anniversary dinner, Ryan took me to the one place where he knew he wanted to exchange our gifts. The mysterious and beautiful wooden box he carried over his head made me a little nervous, as we climbed down the slippery rocks to the beach. When we reached the sand, he pulled out a blanket (out of nowhere?) and unfolded it for us to sit upon together and breathe in the beauty of the scene. For a while, we just sat there, holding each other, resting in the quietness of our surroundings and the rare calm that we felt. Our contentment to just be...there...together...was quiet and very real. All our happiest moments seem to be somewhat timeless, I think. Those minutes on the beach seem frozen that way in my memory, timeless.

The surprises inside my treasure chest were wrapped carefully, with little cards explaining the significance of each present. This man knows how to tell me that I am loved. The rocky beach and the disappearing shoreline in front of us became a perfect frame for my new painting.

After twelve years of holding hands, I still love this feeling.
Our hands are only a little more wrinkled and weathered now than when we exchanged these rings nine years ago.
I wonder how many wrinkles will change this picture in fifty years?
What we will face together in those years?
I am more certain today than ever, of how I am lucky to be the one that gets to spend the rest of my years holding his hand.

So many things...

2011-07-27T21:13:00.000-04:00

...to be grateful for. And so many things to blog about.

I keep checking this blog, so disappointed each time to see that nothing has changed. Somebody better start posting here!

You'd think with a summer of freedom and rest, with heaps of decadent time spent with family and friends... that my fingers would ache to express my joy and share my stories.

Yet despite my delightfully short to-do list and our full social calendar, I've been rather silent here.

A few summer highlights that deserve more words (and pictures) but may or may not be revisited in future posts:

a full week spent at the cabin (overlapping with brother, Daniel and boys)
my new love for kayaking
Mackinac Island
a plentiful summer garden
fresh summer salads and fruit pies
home organizing projects
my new jewelry display, made from an old printer drawer
new bedding (I finally made our bed pretty after 9 years of marriage)
beach days with friends
pool days with friends and family
Grand Haven boardwalk dates
a long and delightful 'ladies night' spent telling stories with some beautiful women on the patio at The Lake House
college girls reunion (they came from Denver, Chicago, and Cincinnati for a 3-night sleep-over at my house)
beach day with Ryan and girls
Baby Camden Paul Fisher's birth

2011-06-24T10:59:00.000-04:00

I read this prayer on a friend's blog this morning. She is one of those ever earnest, completely genuine, beautiful people. A mother who loves her children fiercely. And a follower of Jesus that really means what she says.
She posted this prayer from a book. Though I haven't read the book or anything by the author, I was so drawn to these words. It is a prayer for her children. And I think, it is a prayer I will pray for my daughters, and for me, and for my husband, and for my family, and for my friends. The words are some of the most beautiful and wise truths from Scripture. Some of the great reminders of what is true and right and worthy and real.
My own prayers (which are simply too infrequent) are often so inarticulate, so full of my own desires and selfish wishes...these words guide me more closely, I think, to the kind of prayer that Jesus taught us to pray.
I changed the words "they" and "them" and replaced them with "her"...because I think I want to pray these things for each of my daughters.
(You can read the original prayer on her blog with the Scripture references and book title.)

Lord, You alone change hearts of stone, to hearts of flesh.

Place Your Spirit within …. (Maya, or Sophie, or...)

and cause her to walk in Your statutes

and to be careful to obey Your rules.

For You know the plans You have for her;

plans to prosper her and not to harm her,

to give her a future and a hope.

Let her fear You, Lord,

and thus have a foundation

for wisdom and a heart for instruction.

Let her receive wisdom

and incline her heart to understanding.

Help her not to lean on her own, limited understanding,

but in all her ways to acknowledge You

so that her path will be straight.

Protect her from walking in the counsel of the wicked

and standing in the way of sinners,

but lead her to delight in the law of the Lord

and meditate on it day and night.

May she walk by the Spirit

and not gratify the desires of the flesh.

Instead, may she be filled with

love, joy, peace, patience,

kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control.

May her minds and thoughts be fixed on

whatever is true, honorable, just, pure,

lovely, commendable,

anything worthy of praise.

May she not be conformed to this world,

but be transformed by the renewal of her mind.

May she discern the good,

acceptable and perfect will of God.

May her love be genuine.

May she abhor what is evil;

and hold fast to what is good.

May we love one another with brotherly affection,

outdoing one another in honor.

May she do nothing from rivalry or conceit,

but in humility count others more significant than herself.

May she lie down and sleep in peace;

for You alone, O Lord, make her to dwell in safety.

Bless her Lord, and keep her,

and make Your face shine upon her,

and be gracious to her.

up

2011-06-12T01:26:00.000-04:00

Sophie: "Will you swing me UP and ovah?!? willy high!!?"

And Maya just likes to have one big push...and she's off, on her own.

I kind of miss swinging. It has to be one of the freeing-est feelings ever.

Even though I rarely get to swing these days, swing-pushing and little girl-catching and cuddling provide some pretty delightful feelings too.

We have a whole summer together ahead of us. Have I mentioned that I'm excited about that?

a taste of summer

2011-05-23T13:58:00.000-04:00

Another rewarding concert season is over, a mere six days of teaching remain, preschool is finished for Maya, I have clean laundry (mostly), a clean house (finally!), two sleeping daughters (and a snoring husband), a hot bath, clean sheets, an Audrey Niffenegger novel, a slow Saturday ahead with the possibility of sleeping past 5:30 am...unbelievably grateful.

That was my facebook status from the weekend. The possibilities for the weekend seemed so beautiful and hopeful that Friday night. And after lots of sleep Friday night, we woke to the sun shining through our cream curtains. We had whole-wheat oatmeal pancakes (from scratch...and there's more mix in the freezer!), scrambled eggs and turkey sausage for breakfast. All day, Ryan worked on the shed with his dad, and I weeded and put fresh mulch in the front garden. The girls played and laughed in their new 'kiddie pool' and took great naps in the afternoon. We worshiped together with friends at Converge and thought about the ways that we are inclined to enslave ourselves (like the Israelites) and God is inclined to deliver us. And....that God has made us uniquely gifted to help deliver one another too. That reminder of our role in relationships just keeps rolling around in my mind...especially as we spent time with friends from Lifegroup, grilling and eating, laughing, crying, praying, listening, and sharing our lives.

Somehow, there was lots of time just being at home, and lots of good time with friends too. I even got to take the girls on a date with my mom to the ballet (Sleeping Beauty).
And today, I woke up without an alarm or yelling children (I even got to run before the girls woke up).

The precarious balance of relaxation and productivity, solitude and conversation, contemplation and laughter, generosity and indulgence that marked my weekend seemed as sweet as the combination of rain and sunshine today.

May Day

2011-05-01T22:41:00.000-04:00

Five years ago tonight...I was nesting furiously. I spent the entire day home alone with open windows, billowing curtains, fresh spring air... I scrubbed bathrooms, dusted and moved all the furniture in order to mop the hardwood floors in the entire house. Every dish and sheet and towel and piece of clothing was clean and put away. When Ryan came home and saw my crazy eyes...he was a little nervous. (He'd heard of this nesting thing and knew what it meant.)

When I was finally satisfied with my work (around midnight)...I took a long relaxing shower and snuggled into bed next to Ryan. My bags were packed and ready. I slept hard, knowing that if Maya came the next day...I'd be ready. And of course, the sweet girl woke me up in the middle of the night...ready to arrive, just in time. Her arrival seemed surreal and beyond all my expectations. My love for her, already so deep, suddenly felt like a beautiful and excruciating weight on my chest.

She is sleeping happily...wondering what the morning will bring. Pondering her new five-year-old identity. I can't wait to celebrate with her. She has so many fun and surprising ideas and thoughts. I love seeing the world differently now, hearing her perspective of how things are...and how they should be.

Now, I'm going to make some cookies for her pre-school class. I'll probably clean a lot tonight too..but I don't think I'll catch up to my old expectations this time around. That probably won't happen for a while in this house...

...and I keep telling myself that's okay. Because our days are filled with better things than perfect cleanliness and order.

escape

2011-04-26T21:18:00.000-04:00

dreamlike. restful. decadent. crazy fun.

It's almost bedtime, but...

2011-04-25T19:40:00.000-04:00

...we're all sitting around the kitchen listening to Ben Folds sing "Gracie Girl", watching family pictures scroll across the ipad, having milk... ...and these amazing (and low fat?!) oatmeal chocolate chip cookies from skinnytaste.com.
I'm so glad I doubled the recipe and froze some dough...they are a new favorite.

Then...

2011-04-16T22:01:00.000-04:00

...when our dying bodies have been transformed into bodies that will never die, this Scripture will be fulfilled:

“Death is swallowed up in victory. Where, O death, is your victory?
Where, O death, is your sting?”

I Corinthians 15:54-55

2011-04-13T22:45:00.000-04:00

"Joy is the infallible sign of the presence of God."

~Madeleine L'Engle

it's the last day

2011-04-10T20:33:00.000-04:00

Only, I don't feel quite as sad or panicky as I thought I would.

It's the last evening of Spring Break. The girls are sleepy and tucked into their beds, rooms are neat, clothes laid out for tomorrow. I'm not quite as organized or accomplished as I thought I might be at this point in my spring break (the kitchen isn't quite put together yet, and there are random toys and some clutter in the living room, my school bag isn't quite organized for the week), but still I'm very grateful and content.

And so....a list (that doesn't even scratch the surface) of the blessings I've been grateful for in recent days...

lazy mornings with coffee, and eggs, yorkshire pudding or pancakes, french toast...or even just an un-rushed bowl of oatmeal.
the decadence of a blank schedule
the time to just be
conversations that Ryan and I have even been able to finish.
time to just laugh together...and smile across the room or couch at each other.
singing together with the girls in the evening, playing games with songs, singing parts, and trying rounds...seriously, it's a little 'von Trapp-ish' or maybe just 'Rudd-ish'...but it's been crazy fun
finishing a book, actually the last book in a series (by Madeleine L'Engle, of course) I've been working on (little by little) for....four years!?!? As much as I am happy to have finished, to have the stories completed inside of me....I will miss these stories and characters, the beauty of the storytelling, the wisdom and truth in the words. Happily, all five of them are neatly stacked on my bookshelf downstairs waiting to be reread someday (and discovered by my children!).
a God that loves me more than I begin to understand.
a world that is full of complexity and beauty and mystery.
love
summer is coming
long drives with windows down, schubert symphonies playing, and sleeping girls in the back seat
ice cream
Sophia figuring out the potty just a bit more (we had a few major successes this week)
finishing another "Little House" book...The Long Winter. We read the last chapter (which was all about the arrival of spring and the relief from the near starvation and bitter cold of the long winter) sitting out on the deck in the sun, wrapped in a soft blanket, smelling the grass, listening to birds, eating apple slices. Maya and I agreed that we'd store that memory away for a long time
making running a new habit (again)
summer is coming
open windows and billowing curtains
rain
a job, actually two, that I love....these make the return to the 'real world' a little easier
getting to fall asleep and wake up next to my Love, knowing that he loves me
waking up to little voices and big eyes peering into my face
some new shoes
brothers and sisters
summer is coming
april
living near beautiful beaches
almost forgetting what snow looks and feels like (well, okay..that's an exaggeration)
a warm and lovely home full of everything I need (and lots that I don't)
a rare and delightfully long late night phone conversation (full of everything and nothing, planning, and laughing) with my dearest Mandy who now lives in the same STATE (and for a few months, the same town) as me!

Sometimes these moments of realization...this overwhelming sense of joy in life...can be hard to remember. This feeling of bliss may fade quickly (as the busy week actually begins). But the truest things that bring me joy won't actually fade, only my awareness of them.

As I age (I am almost 30 now), I fear that my heart is sometimes harder, more practical, sometimes even quiet. And my racing mind silences the quiet voice of the Spirit in my heart.
The truest things that are 'deepest in my soul' are less and less what I think about and live out. And the more pressing things, the worries, and urgent obligations crowd my mind so that in the few moments that I dream, I dream of silly, fleeting, foolish things. Things that are lovely but might be shallow. And the softness, the gratitude and passion are less evident in my life.

But the people and relationships that I've been given, (my daughters and my husband most of all) show me daily what love really is. They remind me to keep my heart softer...they help me to desire more than anything, to have a heart that is not conformed and hardened by my own selfishness and the world... but is being transformed by my Loving Rescuer and Creator.

This blogging thing always borders on narcissism, or 'navel gazing', and feeds the image-conscious affirmation seeker within me. Sometimes I think I really should just get a journal. But I can't write as well (or as fast) as I can type. Blogger just does something clarifying (and good, I think) for my brain. But in recent years (since Motherhood) I've devoted less time to this outlet. So for this reason, (and in an attempt to avoid (or feed?) this narcissistic tendency)...I mostly just post pictures and simple stories from our life, so that the people we love can see them (or not-- if they understandably don't really care to know what we had for breakfast).

Yet somehow this post turned into that introspective rambling that I used to do a lot more (when I had time). But if you've read this far, you must have loads of time...or you love me enough to put up with my level of craziness. So, thanks.

spring break (in pictures)

2011-04-08T23:13:00.000-04:00

I know...it's not over yet. There's still a weekend left and I'm not going to mourn the end of the break until it's really over. But here are a few....(okay, actually an abundance of)... pictures celebrating our break so far...

Home from pre-school....starting spring break, and feeling pretty free.

PUZZLES!!

New swimsuits for our Spring Break "trip"

The birthday adventure begins...

Frederick Meijer gardens with some beautiful princesses (and the rest of their families).

Braving the slush and rain and snow to see the outdoor attractions.

Freezing out in the log cabin.

Time for lunch, cupcakes, and presents!

Pretty tired. We thought a nap might be in order,
so we headed to our hotel....

We were all pretty excited about (and impressed with) the hotel. Sophie keeps asking (daily) when we will go back to the hotel with the pool.

Satisfied.

Some REALLY delicious peas.

Guitar shopping. (Ryan finally got the Taylor.)

Downtown GR for a day. Lunch and...

The Children's Museum. (crazy, crowded chaos, and overwhelmingly endless and creative fun.)

Pruebelos for lunch...
and a blue sucker from the bank
(she opened her first bank account to "save money for college")

Her first trim. *sniff*

Pancakes, omelettes, toast, eggs, and bacon at The Cherokee. mmm.

Avocado.

sweet sick girl.

Making a project (a special birthday gift from Jaely)

Almost finished (you should see the big 'googly eyes' on the finished product).

Tomorrow may just be a sick day. I'm almost planning on waking with the awful (virus??) that Maya has. Or maybe we'll all be spared.

Either way, we've had more than our share of fun and laughter, and we are well rested and grateful. Breaks are good.

a cold day at the critter barn

2011-03-31T21:35:00.000-04:00

Though the sunlight was beautiful and warm, the biting cold in the air made us so grateful for our extra layers, our warm sweaters, coats, hats, and mittens. Maya and I spent Wednesday together on a Preschool field trip at the Critter Barn. When we first arrived, we huddled together on benches in the cozy barn as "Miss Mary" taught us all about the chickens, and eggs, and goats, and milk, and sheep.

Maya was delighted, enraptured, ...listening intently and watching in awe. She jumped at every opportunity to pet, feed, milk, hold...

Thirty some preschoolers, parents, and grandparents lined up along the fence to watch the sheep run from the barn to the pasture.

The friendly turkey, "John Smith" and his wife, "Pocahontas" followed us around the farm all day.
Adeline was concerned when Maya started to complain about her cold feet.
They were cute, and great for the mud, but apparently...not quite warm enough.

Sunbutter and strawberry jam sandwiches, apples and banana chips (and a heated barn) warmed us up a little, though Maya looks a bit tired here...

Even the bus ride home was an adventure filled with pretend characters, games, and laughter.

Sophia Marie Elise

2011-03-28T21:46:00.000-04:00

My thoughtful, delightfully spunky, goofy, sweet,WILD,happy, talkative, dramatic, storytelling, trickster, too-cute-for-her-own-good, lovable, delicate, little Sophie turned three today. And she is really happy to be three...

We had a small party with family on Saturday...a "Madeline birthday..with Madeline sticking-out-of-cupcakes." It was a simple celebration with a gracious and grateful, (well-rested) happy little hostess.

So this morning, she couldn't believe it was true when I woke her up singing...telling her it was really her birthday. "Mah-ch twenty-eight?!?!? (round opened-mouth gasp)"...the day she has been waiting for.

We quickly put on her special cupcake birthday shirt (made by a very creative friend and former student) and brought Maya to pre-school. We decided to have a special date, just me and Sophie at Starbucks to celebrate her day. After a long look at all the baked goods behind the glass, Sophie decided upon a "birthday pop" (suggested by the barista) and chocolate "cow milk" for her "breakfast." (A "birthday pop" is a round piece of cake, coated in pink candy-like frosting on a lollipop stick.)

The cafe was filled with blinding yellow sunlight which lit up her wild yellow hair and squinty-eyed smile. She chatted earnestly, flashing goofy faces at me across the table. She really likes her tongue these days...

Next, we grocery shopped together. And she picked "blue-blaillies and stwah-blaillies, turkey, avocado and...(some red bananas which she was certain were) chocolate bananas." After the penny ride at Meijer, we went to school for first grade music class, where she passed out some birthday prizes for her "fuhst-gwade-ah fwends." After picking Maya up at pre-school, we headed home for lunch with Daddy...and nap time.
When Sophie woke up from her long hard sleep, Maya and I were just finishing wrapping some gifts, a wooden puzzle, a hungry caterpillar coloring book, and a 'playmobile' farm set. We waited, ready, eager, and excited for Ryan to come home.

Finally, he arrived and we opened the gifts and headed to the Olive Garden (Sophie's choice) for dinner. However, on our way, I realized that she had something different in mind when she asked if we'd see the "turtles" at the gardens. I think she was counting on butterflies and playgrounds too. Once we were inside the Olive Garden, she wondered where the "lobb-stahs" were...so we avoided the long wait and walked across the parking lot to Red Lobster for a delicious and ridiculously buttery meal.

Yes, that is ice-cream too. Things will have to change tomorrow.

Despite all the sugar, she fell asleep quite contentedly tonight after we snuggled in bed and read "The Mitten." She thought that mouse was so nice to share her warm mitten with all those animals.

home for sale

2011-03-04T17:09:00.001-05:00

Warning: This is a post with an ulterior motive. Though I am speaking in my authentic "Angela voice"...I'm also trying to sell you my house. Proceed with caution.

We don't really want to leave our house. Honestly, we love it. The cozy new fireplace in the basement is one of our favorite places on earth. In fact, the whole house just seems cozy and warm...even when it's messy (which has been more often than I like lately). We love this house, inside and out. In the summer time, we love being outside in the yard (with underground sprinkling), picking fruit, herbs, and vegetables from the gardens, gathering with friends around the fire-pit... roasting marshmallows, or sitting on the front porch talking to our neighbors. The quiet street is perfect for riding bikes and walking.

The open space between the kitchen and living room is ideal for our busy kids who like to be close to me while I'm in the kitchen or doing laundry (they also enjoy chasing each other around and around the island. The girls have the upstairs to them selves, with bedrooms with the cape-cod ceilings that I've always loved and their own bathroom to share.

Living in a new house is a luxury I never imagined myself enjoying...I have actually always liked old houses better (the charm, the character, the quirks, the hardwood, and plaster, crown moldings, and built-ins, the possibilities, and the creativity required to see past wallpaper and dirty carpet)...

But the open floor plan, main floor laundry, fresh clean bathrooms and kitchen.... and lack of projects requiring demolition have been perfect for our family. Though I've been anti-carpet/ pro-restored-hardwood in the past, I have to admit, the carpet has been wonderful for our babies and small children. In fact, we'll be happy to stay here for a long time.

But...we may have found our 'dream' (project) house...

(an old brick colonial requiring TONS of work but holding incredible 'potential') in a great location at a great price (It's a "buyer's market," you know). And while we're a little nervous about the 'risk'...we're usually up for adventure (especially when it feels a little spontaneous). For the most part, we're boring, 'safe' people. But this house seems worth the leap.

So there is a sign in our front yard.

And, if you'd like to buy our "newish," cute little cape-cod with four bedrooms, and 2 and a half baths, a newly finished basement (wired for surround sound and set up for a 'theatre' room with a fireplace),...you can call for a showing and check out our realtor's listing here.

things I love to hear at dinner..

2011-02-24T06:42:00.000-05:00

Me: Maya, would you like a biscuit?

Maya: No... (distracted...looking intently for something she wants) ...can I have some more brussel sprouts please?

dreaming...

2011-02-21T16:01:00.000-05:00

...someday one of these fabrics could be transformed into bedroom curtains, window seat cushions, duvet covers, or throw pillows maybe...

In reality...
I've been wanting to find something old to repurpose as a jewelry organizer. I wanted it to be unique and have character..with lots of little 'cubbies'...possibly even drawers...and something I could hang on my wall. Then I found this brilliant idea on Etsy (made by "Bluebirdheaven"). I already have my printer drawer (found at an antique store for $12), it's partially cleaned out, but it needs a little more time before mine will be ready to hang.

This post is looking like something I cut out and paste into my "book". I do have a real journal... one made out of paper that isn't published all over the internet. It's mostly for me...a place to collect ideas, recipes, memories, reflections, prayers, quotes, book 'reviews.' But sometimes really good friends kindly browse its quirky pages and make me feel grateful and embarrassed. I'm on my second "book", the first one is filled to capacity. Maybe my third book will look something like this one...

snow day

2011-02-21T00:02:00.000-05:00

Wasn't it spring? It's only been a few days of 'thawing', but I guess I'd already grown accustomed to the sight of bare trees and muddy grass. And now the winter wonderland is back in all it's glory... including my February wish:

one more snow day!

Last time we got that wonderful phone call, the girls and I had a long, slow morning in our pajamas...eating our homemade apple muffins, sipping coffee (or apple juice), and staring out at the heap of snow on our deck.

The sun is streaming into the dining room...

2011-02-18T12:57:00.000-05:00

...filling my kitchen with golden light and casting dark shadows of the table and chairs across the warm floor where the girls keep snuggling up in sleeping bags, pretending to sleep. (It's almost nap time.)
Patches of grass are finally showing. The wind in the trees is almost as mesmerizing as the sunlight. And after the long weeks, months of snow and ice...this day feels like a gift, hope that spring is coming. It's friday and I'm home with my girls. That feels like a gift every week. And tonight, we'll celebrate Ryan's birthday with my family. I'm making his favorite oreo/ice cream trifle dessert. He doesn't know it, so hopefully he doesn't check my blog.

I've been avoiding this job of posting again. I've never let my blog go so silent for so long. But with each event that I haven't recorded...each set of pictures I haven't posted, my procrastinating tendency grows. The job seems more overwhelming as it grows. This is one of my many weaknesses. I can't just start something in the middle, even if it's the right/best thing to do. I keep waiting until that elusive time comes when I'll be able to get 'caught up' first. But here I am, in spite of my crazy sickness. Maybe I'll go back and fill in the blanks of December and January and early February. Or maybe I'll just start here and try again. Either way...coming back feels good.

Here are two smiles that are even brighter than the rare winter sun...

The light...

2010-11-29T13:07:00.000-05:00

...is near.

The tunnel just seems really crowded and impossible to navigate well.

I know I'll get there...and it will happen quickly. (Too quickly, in fact. I'm getting a little shaky just thinking about the pace of the next few weeks.) And along the way there will be several climactic and joyous moments to celebrate. Just a little worried about the quality of my task completion until then...and hoping there won't be too many horrifying moments of failure to mourn.

Certain things will suffer. I'll have to choose carefully.

I will also have to remind myself several times a day to slow my racing brain and frantic respiration to contemplate what is real.

Christmas is coming. And that Light will be beautiful to celebrate.

A Little House Christmas

2010-11-23T16:28:00.000-05:00

We had an early little Christmas...in our little house (which feels a lot bigger with our new basement) with Aunt Kelly and Uncle Sean. Since they won't be 'home' for Christmas, they decided to spoil my daughters early with some perfectly chosen (and way too decadent) gifts while they were here for Thanksgiving. Kelly made for Maya a beautiful "Laura Ingalls" bonnet and apron...wrapped together in a basket with a little glass jar of chalk, her very own 'slate', some yarn and wooden beads for stringing and a book of Little House on the Prairie Crafts.
The bonnet and apron are seldom removed. (Every time I see her in her costume, it's a little reminiscent of my own childhood, spent dressed as "Old Mother Hubbard." ...now if only she she added some white plastic sunglasses with the lenses removed....)

Her beloved basket now sits by her bed holding all her new treasures and her copy of By the Shores of Silver Lake. In the book, it's Christmas Eve right now. And the family is warm and happy by the fire, listening to Pa's fiddle and enjoying oneanother's presents and presence. With each Ingalls' Christmas we read about, I am struck again by the simplicity, the love, and the contentment, despite the incredibly hard life that they live. A typical Ingalls' Christmas included some hard-earned or hand-made Christmas gifts: two sticks of candy, AND a pair of knitted socks, AND... a tin cup.
Inspired by her heroes, Maya had the idea to make a "Charlotte" rag doll for Sophie this year for Christmas. Last week, she sewed one button eye to the doll's face...and then told me that she was just too tired to do the other. I love that she wants to do this for her sister. I hope Sophie understands someday how hard her sister worked....but mostly, how deeply she is loved.

Sophie was also quite spoiled... receiving her very own shopping cart and cash register. They love to take turns being "Da Lady" (who runs the cash register) and "The Customer" who fills the cart with pretend food, and uses the credit card to "pay". Their pretend play seamlessly leaps through time-periods and characters. And it's pretty delightful to get to pretend with them...or just watch and listen.

Thank you, Kelly and Sean and Chloe.

Fall trip to Frederik Meijer Gardens

2010-11-15T11:13:00.000-05:00

The trees were up, but not lit. We can't wait to go back to experience the whole Christmas display (including the beautiful train and village) and fun activities.

Sophie was a little mad because I made her slow down on the cement sidewalk.

She had already crashed once.

Entering one of our very favorite places to visit...the "Little House."

It's always extra cozy when the fire is roaring.

Maya taking a break in the garden maze.

i didn't believe her...

2010-11-13T18:52:00.000-05:00

...when she told me she could hula-hoop.

Then, I got to visit her at preschool. The moment didn't last long, but surpisingly..my camera caught it to forever prove her claim.

Soon..we'll have to have a party...

2010-11-09T18:00:00.000-05:00

It's not huge, but it will drastically increase the living space in our little house.

The basement is almost done!

A guest bedroom...just in time for the Holidays, come and visit!

Tile for the floor in front of the fireplace...Ryan finished the grout last night.

There is even more progress now...paint on the walls, tile in front of the fire, and carpet arriving on Friday.

More pictures coming soon.

granola

2010-11-08T08:17:00.001-05:00

Sometime, I am going to combine this and this (using sun-butter or soy-butter instead of peanut butter) to make my own peanut-free, gluten-free granola bars.

I've always wanted to make granola...now at least I'll have the recipe filed away here.

Good night (from Sophie, with some direction by Maya)

2010-11-06T20:48:00.000-04:00

So we're a little obsessed with The Sound of Music these days.

All day long our house is filled with sweet (loud) little voices singing, "Da hiws ah alive wit-da sound of moo-sic...AAHHHH"

or "You ah sixteen going on seventeen, I'll take cay-ah of you"

october

2010-11-05T15:25:00.000-04:00

Of the many reasons that I've grown to love October so much in the last few years, my favorite reason (at least for today) is the connectedness that I feel to the earth. The richness of the colors and smells. The cold air that fills every part of me, my lungs, and fingertips... The apples and pumpkins and squash and vegetables that we collect in the cold and bring home to be eaten and baked or transformed to soup. The many trips to the farms and orchards, the farmers' market, carving pumpkins with our hands and getting the stringy insides everywhere...

But I love November too...

a day at the farm

2010-10-13T21:57:00.000-04:00

Goats, sheep, wallabies, bunnies, a camel, zebra, elephant, pony....

Apples, pumpkins, cider, donuts.

Friends. Fall sunlight. Time together.

our life these days. (6 posts in 1)

2010-10-03T23:50:00.000-04:00

an overwhelming September...
The new fall routine hit us hard.

Maya, our pre-schooler, now has early morning places to be...dressed, fed, and off to school by 8 AM on Mondays, Wednesday, and Fridays. Last year on all our early mornings (there were only 2)...we used to just carry the sleepy girls out to the car...all bundled up in their pajamas...and head to Grandma's house. The new weekday morning routine requires a lot more preparation and early rising every day.

My new school schedule was another hard adjustment. Three long full days of teaching approximately two hundred students daily, ranging in age from six to eighteen was a drastic change from last year's two mornings a week.
By week 2, both Sophie and I were pretty sick...allergies and asthma mostly. Her Albuterol and my Nyquil got us through some miserable sleepless nights together. She could hardly breathe, my voice was gone, and my headaches never seemed to go away.
Even if I'd been healthy, the planning and preparation of being a new teacher (again) was slightly unnerving at first (and will probably be again...especially in December...and May). There was so much paper-work, information gathering, communication, question asking,...on top of meetings, new colleagues, new and unknown expectations, hundreds of new names, curriculum planning, daily lesson planning for a completely new kind of teaching experience...on top of the older routines of my other school's curriculum planning/adjusting, daily lesson planning, communication...etc.
Mostly though, the new routine brought new worry, guilt, anguish, fear, regret...over the separation from my girls, their adjustment (and mine) to the new routines and more time apart. I felt like I was drowning in it all for a while. And I wasn't positive that I would surface before June. Honestly, I've been surviving only because of Ryan, and the fact the we live in (incredibly de-pendent) community with our parents and siblings, and some really good friends.

But by the end of September, my perspective was a little less cluttered...(unlike my house)...and the girls seem to be delighted to spend a little more time with their Grandmas, my students have made the teaching fun and rewarding, I have a classroom stocked with almost 40 little violins that make my new second graders smile every time they open their magical cases, the planning seems to be working, and I'm finally feeling more settled, grateful, excited, hopeful, at peace about all that is new this year.

two new family traditions forged this month...
The Cherokee for breakfast. We had forgotten. Though we used to be Saturday morning 'regulars' when we lived on Forest Hills, we sort-of abandoned the place once we had Maya. But we wandered through town last weekend and ended up there. We've already returned once, and this time we were wise enough to order a bit less food.

Hoffmaster State Park...and hiking in the cold. A few times now, after a quick dinner, we've escaped to the wooded dunes to catch some wind and golden sunlight on Lake Michigan. We also used our State Park sticker for a spontaneous late-night visit to Uncle Daniel, Isaac, and Will's campsite for s'mores.

alone time with Sophia...
While Maya floats from Pre-school to AWANA and back to Pre-school during the week, Sophie has enjoyed some rare individual attention. She doesn't stop thinking...or talking...or moving. Ever. And her spinning, hilarious thoughts make my life a LOT more fun.

a new family experience...
Instant Netflix...on our new TV. A significant viewing difference from our tiny laptop screen. But...I'm not sure how I feel about 'high definition.' Generally, I love the intensity, the clarity, the beauty of the picture. But, everything looks too...real? Like some of the magic is gone, and the actors just seem like actors. The lighting seems strange and artificial, I can tell how much make-up they are wearing, and even if they have cellulite. It almost looks like incredibly high-quality home video. I suppose I'll get used to it. But I'm not convinced.

a broken camera...
Our digital camera has been struggling for about a year now... and it finally gave up about a month ago. Maybe its demise has caused my lack of inspiration here. I do love to post pictures, and having none, my posts are few. My phone has been the only photo-documentation devise lately...and those pictures usually end up on facebook.

treasured weekends...
The weeks now seem to fly by in a stressful, exhausting frenzy. So Friday feels like a new blessing each time it arrives. Our first October weekend was spent mostly at home, working and playing. Ryan's been running wires in the basement, the girls have had fun playing with us and with each other..and have pulled out every toy, book, and puzzle they own (and put some of them away), and I've almost conquered the laundry folding...and re-organizing of new sizes and seasons of girls' clothes. Clothes are laid out for the early morning...and most of the lesson plans for the week are ready. And there is still Monday to enjoy..mostly at home.

...As I write this, the weekend has officially ended, and I must sleep. It seems I don't have the time to contemplate, or breathe, or blog very often. Hopefully, October will allow for more settled routines and more time to reflect.

Who is beyond your imagination.

2010-09-07T06:49:00.000-04:00

"Bodily calm is part of our presence to people, and also to God. You may be on your knees, standing, sitting or prostrate. You try to stop the body moving. You focus on something physical: the breath flowing into you, or the sounds that invade your stillness, or the awareness of your enveloping skin. Then you give space to the Lord who created you, who is more central to your being than your own mind is, yet who is beyond your imagination.

I pause for a moment and think of the love and the grace that God showers on me: I am created in the image and likeness of God; I am God's dwelling-place.

I exist in a web of relationships - links to nature, people, God. I trace out these links, giving thanks for the life that flows through them.
Some links are twisted or broken: I may feel regret, anger, disappointment. I pray for the gift of acceptance and forgiveness."

~from Sacred Space this morning.

I made this today....

2010-09-04T00:28:00.001-04:00

North Muskegon Elementary Strings website

I thought that making it, and having it linked to their website would be a good way to distribute information and introduce myself, since I am new to the program.

I'm hoping to make one for Calvary too...in the very near future.

Any suggestions? Typos?

wind in the trees

2010-09-03T18:27:00.000-04:00

We've been listening to the wind all day. In the morning, we went straight outside to see the silvery sunlight peeking through the bending pine trees. The wind was glorious on our faces, in our hair. We just had to go out walking. It was cold, but that perfect kind of bearable cold that seems just right.

While Sophie and Maya covered the sidewalk with chalk art, I sat on the front porch filling out some school paperwork. The sun disappeared and reappeared all morning as Maya and I sat on our front steps watching the clouds roll across the sky. When we came inside, we opened all the windows in the house. The curtains have been billowing, doors slamming all day. I had almost forgotten the wonderful smell of cold and earth and fall.

Summer is still my 'favorite,' I think. But every year I start to wonder...

We drove around running errands...finally meeting Ryan, Grandma 'Go-Go', Emma, and Liam for Egg-drop soup, Jam Bong soup, chicken, egg-rolls, rangoons and rice at the Egg Roll House. Snow White, The Poky Little Puppy, and Laura & Mary Ingalls greeted us back at home in the girls' beds. As I lay beside Maya, we tried to be still, listening to the sound of the wind in the trees. As I had hoped, nap time was extra long.

One of my grade books is ready, there is so much more to be done before next Tuesday. But it will happen...somehow. We're ready to eat Squash Bisque and parmesan beer bread for dinner. (I even made extra soup to freeze for our busy fall schedule)

It has already been a good end to a busy week. It seems to be fall now. I think I'll go digging for that fall wreath...

The End.

2010-08-05T10:21:00.000-04:00

This afternoon, I will drive to MSU for my very last class.
My assignments are all done. I still have to email my last paper. But I'm done. I'm not sure I quite believe it, actually. But this is the end.

Tomorrow, when Ryan is done working, we'll leave for the cabin.

There are piles of clean laundry to be folded, and suitcases that need to be packed. The house needs some serious attention, but the mountain of dirty dishes is gone. The kitchen is actually quite functional now. I've been a little productive, but mostly the girls and I have been playing all morning. Maya figured out how to play most of Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star on the piano today. She was trying last night..and this morning, she got it. Finding that first interval was really hard, she kept guessing and getting frustrated. I'm not sure how she memorized her starting note, or the distance between do and sol, but she's got it down now. It is so fun to watch her working at something with such focus..and then experiencing the delight of realizing her success. It's pretty magical to watch. We've listened to a short Youtube excerpt of Swan Lake again and again. She wants to figure that one out next. That, and Vivaldi's Spring. Sequential learning is just so tedious.

I'll get more laundry/cleaning/packing done tonight and tomorrow.

just like last year...

2010-08-03T22:06:00.000-04:00

I am sitting here, typing a paper for school. Well, I should be. I just took a five minute break to make sure that this day does not go completely unnoticed, undocumented, or uncelebrated.
Ryan is in the other room, catching some election results, and trying to stay awake with me. I just got home from class a couple of hours ago.

Throughout the story-time bedtime routine... we've been chatting all evening, little snippets of funny conversations. We can't wait until we can really have conversations. Maybe even a real date.

It's our eighth anniversary today. We're feeling extra romantic and silly with love. And yet, here I sit, typing away on the computer...writing my very last assignment for my Master's degree...preparing to give my very final presentation tomorrow morning in my Research class. I should be a little stressed, since I'm not completely ready yet. But instead, I'm just happy. Calmly contented, knowing that in just two days, it will be officially complete. And in the morning, I may not have slept much, but I'll be ready for my presentation. And I'll have homemade blueberry muffins for my class. I can smell them baking right now.

Next year, we're going to have to celebrate big, to make up for our lame anniversary night dates of recent years. But I'm happier than ever to wake up beside this amazing man who supports and sustains me in more ways than I even know. Our love seems sweeter, richer these days. More fierce and exciting, and at the same time, steadier and more solid.

I am a very lucky girl.

Back to my research paper...

I know it's not what you expect here...

2010-07-14T16:53:00.000-04:00

...but this is the best I can do right now...for a post.

This is what my mind is thinking about, at least on the back burner, 99.9% of the time. Yes, even when I'm sleeping...I dream about finding great research articles.

I'm kind of a nerd. But this is pretty exciting stuff. I'll probably let a lot of it go in about 3 and a half weeks. For now though, these are my thoughts...

The Formation of Musical Identity

One of my favorite sounds.

2010-07-05T23:15:00.000-04:00

Sophie's happy sleepy voice. (while laying on her pillow tonight...)

"Mama, I yun-you-a hole my hee-ann." (translation: Mama, I want you to hold my hand.)

It's impossible to resist. So I hold her tiny fingers...all wrapped around my thumb. For a long while. And all the time I'm thinking about how lucky I am...how fleeting and wonderful is this moment.

And when I finally say, "okay, Sophie, it's time to go to sleep now"...

...and she says, "Mama, hole my hee-ann peas?"...

...and I say, "I will, Sophie..in the morning when you wake up."

...she just flutters her sleepy eyes, smiles and sighs, "okay."

Sometimes, bed time is perfect.

Summer break is over...

2010-06-13T23:24:00.001-04:00

...at least until August.

Tomorrow I begin my last summer of commuting to MSU for my Masters program.

I've got the ipod ready with an audio book from the library.

My stomach is feeling jittery, and my brain is panicking a little. I'm going to miss my girls this week. And I'm going to miss my Ryan too.

So here I am, typing when I should be sleeping or packing or reading for my class...but sometimes blogging just helps me clear the chaos and focus.

I must finish packing, so that sleep can follow soon.

cabin weekend in pictures

2010-06-05T22:53:00.000-04:00

It seemed more formidable in the middle of the night, blocking the road to the cabin in the thickness of the dark woods.

In the daylight, Ryan saw that he could move it with just a hand saw and his bare hands. Well, gloved hands. It only took a few minutes.Watching him move the giant obstacle out of the cabin road reminded me of our first cabin trip alone together almost eight years ago. When we arrived on our honeymoon to a very similar sight, he didn't hesitate at all to move the tree with his bare hands! (But this time, our desperation for sleep, the midnight darkness, and the two sleeping children in the car made the hotel decision pretty easy to make.)
The girls were excited to wake up in a hotel, though Maya was confused when she first looked around, "how do we get out of here, Daddy?"
Just sleeping in their own big bed together was enough to satisfy their hunger for adventure...but when they found out about the continental breakfast and the POOL they were really impressed.
After a quick swim in a very cold pool, we were all ready to finally head to the cabin.
The first breath of cabin air was more refreshing, healing, and comforting than I ever remember. I have seldom arrived at the cabin in the morning. Usually, the long drive north brings us to the cabin by the late afternoon, or sunset, or most often...total darkness. The first glimpse of the sparkling water through the cedar trees, the rhythm of our feet hitting the stone path to the dock, the creaking of the hinges on the wooden screen door and that wonderful slap of the wood when it closes...all seemed even better this time. I think my pleasure was made richer by the wonder (that I've always felt) shining on the faces of my girls too. Maya remembered so much from last year, but she seemed to soak it in with more awareness and love this time.
Sophia was wide-eyed and eager for every new surprise. The cozy little lamp on the top bunk in the 'kid' bedroom was her first delight.

But the attic, where we all slept was the place the girls loved most. Maya loved the fact that she could see the stone chimney going up through the roof. They could have played in the attic pretending they were Laura and Mary in their "Little House" all weekend if we hadn't forced them to find other cabin adventures...

(a friendly dog named "Sophie" at the Creekside Gallery)

Sophie was a big fan of s'mores. She only had one...of the half cracker size...but I think that chocolate was to blame (in part) for the terrible bedtime we had later. They did NOT want to fall asleep.

One morning, I even woke to sunlight streaming in the open window above my head, birds calling, the bubbling sound of coffee brewing and a crackling cedar wood fire.

suppressed excitement

2010-06-03T22:46:00.000-04:00

Today I stood at my classroom door giving hugs and wishes for a great summer. I turned in my grades and organized my cart. I still have some work to do in the building before I am officially done for the summer, but today was my last day with students.

I am very aware of my 'in-between-ness' tonight. Almost...done with school for the year, almost on summer "break", almost ready to start my last summer of grad school.

I have big dreams for summer days at the pool, the beach, the library, gardening, reading, sewing, walks, ice cream, play dates, the zoo, the Fredrick Meijer Gardens, a whole week spent at the cabin. But the reality may not be as 'dreamy' as my aspirations (though I am determined to cram ALL of those things into our days somehow). In one week, I will begin the commute to MSU. First, for a 2-week workshop that meets all day every day. It will be wildly fun, incredibly challenging, inspiring...and exhausting. And as soon as that class ends, the next 6-week session begins: Research. Only one class this summer...and I think...I like research. I certainly like the fact that this will be my very last class for this degree. But my excitement to be done (soon!!) is quite restrained. There is much to do before I sigh with relief or celebrate.

This weekend however, will be filled with busy fun. A mass of graduation open houses, a wedding, a graduation, and somehow in the midst of the busy-ness...I am mostly excited about family time. Kelly, Sean, and Chloe arrived tonight from Massachusetts! And on Saturday, Andrew, Lynn, Jaelyn, and Addison are coming from Ohio for a quick visit too. ALL my siblings and nieces and nephews in the same town. Too good for words. I'm trying to suppress my expectations about how much time I will get to spend enjoying their company...but I'm really hoping for a quite a lot.

We're hardly ever this spontaneous...

2010-05-27T21:25:00.000-04:00

...but tomorrow, after Ryan's done working, we are driving NORTH.

We just decided this morning that this beautiful cabin weather should not be wasted over a long holiday weekend. "Treasure Island" just cannot sit empty.

So I'm drinking my coffee to get me through the loads of laundry and cleaning and packing that must happen tonight.

I still can't believe it. I feel just as excited as I did when I was a little girl on the eve of the cabin trip.

Even if it is 80 degrees, I'm sitting by this fire on Saturday morning. My soul has been missing that crackling sound.

freezer jam

2010-05-26T23:06:00.000-04:00

My Grandmother Linda used to make the most wonderful breakfasts...Finnish coffee bread, a plate of sliced cheese, sausage, (eggs probably?)...but my favorite part: strawberry jam.

The taste of homemade strawberry freezer jam always brings back memories of her house and her presence. So many daily things do...beautiful gardens, irises, roses, dreams of the cabin, her Rose Chintz dishes stacked in my cupboard.

Once, about a year after she died, when I was in college, I made her strawberry freezer jam recipe and gave the little jars to family as gifts. I still remember the incredible pleasure of making it, smelling it, tasting it. But even though I've thought of making it millions of times, I've never tried it again. Early this spring, I vowed to myself (and even wrote it in my little journal/scrap book) that this year would be different....there would be strawberry jam in my freezer.

I don't have her exact recipe any more (hopefully someone does..Mom?)...so I tried one I found online (one that uses a lot less sugar than the traditional recipe). It's still pretty magical.

I made six little jars last week. I was hoping to build up a 'stash' for the winter...but we're already on our third jar. I could try to blame this on the girls...but it wouldn't be exactly truthful.
I've got more strawberries in the refrigerator waiting to be crushed.

spring rain

2010-05-21T21:59:00.000-04:00

The warm sunny evenings have lured us outside just a little too late all week. The girls' bed times have been stretched a bit more than usual. And as a result, our mornings have been more whiny and emotional. But Maya's and Sophie's long hard naps always brighten them up for the evening full of swinging and digging and running around the yard...

And the cycle repeats.

But the warm grass, the swings, the sandbox, and the sidewalk chalk, the neighbors...we just can't resist. We've been spending our mornings outside too, playing in the yard, a long walk with the double stroller, meeting Ryan for a picnic lunch at a park.

We've also been planting this week...just little things here and there. Ryan built another little garden next to last summer's first attempt. We now have flourishing mint, green onions, oregano, chives, and cilantro, a new strawberry plant, tomatoes (beefsteak and cherry), cucumbers, and a bunch of little snow pea seedlings (that are now ready to be planted).

Last night, Ryan planted an apple tree in our side yard. I'm already daydreaming about home grown apples to eat fresh from the tree, to bake in pie and muffins... It's a pretty small tree now, but I can still dream, right?

The rain that came last night was perfectly timed for all our new plantings. And all day, it seemed right too. Misty and warm. We stayed inside most of the day, cleaning, and pretending, reading, and coloring and cutting and gluing.

And I ended the afternoon with some rare fun...playing string trio music with two wonderful musicians. Unfortunately our rehearsal room had no windows...but I could imagine the rain.

treasure hunting

2010-05-12T21:11:00.000-04:00

For the first time in probably five years, Ryan and I visited an antique store.
Last weekend, we drove the girls in their pajamas to their Nana and Papa's house for a sleepover. On Saturday morning, Ryan and I woke up to the sun, had a quiet breakfast, and went to look for antiques. It was the perfect kind of date. I think I like morning dates better than evening ones now. We had so much fun talking, hunting for treasures, laughing, and dreaming.

These were a few of our finds...
The girls love their little chair. Sometimes it's hard to share...but they manage. Maybe someday we'll find it's match.Poker.

A perfect place to store all my spools of color.

my dollhouse

2010-05-09T19:11:00.000-04:00

We brought my dollhouse home today. As I discovered all the tiny contents, a flood of memories of my quirky and very whimsical childhood came rushing back. My grandfather Ed (my dad's father) built this beautiful wooden dollhouse for me. And one Christmas, my brother Daniel spent hours gluing the wooden shingles to the roof. Some of the furniture was beautiful...but lots of the 'accessories' were my own creations...made out of paper and scotch tape, plastic pizza box stands, scraps of fabric, old candle holders, legos, broken tiles.
I trashed some of the really gross things... but I just had to set it all up..just right. It needed to be photographed this way before I tear it apart and clean all those layers of dust and spider webs.
That photo is of my friend, Arianne Strattan (now a Ford model) on the wall in that frame (made out of toothpicks). I remember thinking that she looked just like my dollhouse family's little girl (with blue eyes, long blond hair, and a pink dress).I can't believe how much time I spent meticulously making things for my little family. Apparently, I thought it very important that every member of the family should have their own tiny Bible. (I even gave one of them gold pages?!?) A custom violin case (made out of scotch tape and black construction paper),......a re-purposed spool of thread covered with a fabric scrap became an end table to hold my oil lamp. I made a miniature pink stenciled bedside table out of one of those round plastic stands that used to be (still are?) in pizza boxes for the little girl's room. A pink towel became carpet, strands of lace and paper scraps fill the windows. I spent hours decorating and redecorating... using anything I could find. I sewed tiny clothes for my people, pillows and blankets for their beds. I knew that I loved to make things as a child. But until I saw this stash...I had no idea.

I like remembering. I've been remembering a lot lately. In the past week, I've even thought of a few stories to tell Ryan that he's never heard! For some reason, the past has been more attainable in my memory files these days. And it makes me feel richer.

Now that they are awake from their naps (the doll house was sitting on the kitchen table when Maya and Sophie woke up), I can hardly keep the girls away from it. (I really want to clean it first!) I wish they knew their Great Grandpa who built such a delightful and sturdy dollhouse for his little granddaughter. I wish they could sit in his lap and laugh while he pretended to be confused about which were hands and which were feet. I wish they knew his quiet humor and his big twinkling brown eyes. And I wish I could thank him again for this gift that he is now giving to my children.

An emailed response from my last post.

2010-05-07T18:37:00.001-04:00

It wouldn't fit in the comment box...

...but it deserved to be posted.

If I had these...

2010-05-06T14:47:00.000-04:00

I think I would put them on everything. It could be dangerous...I don't know if I would know when to stop. I just love how they give everything a place and a name.

This is where Ryan's unique personality and my own have been woven together. His love of structure and pattern and predictability is usually at odds with my scattered, unpredictable intensity-for-too-many-things to maintain a lot of order. But labels are one of many things that bring us together. We both treasure the beauty and function of labels.

When we were newlyweds...moving for the first time (from Vermilion, OH back to MI) we had a lot of time to pack. We put everything (except large furniture) into matching plastic bins. No mismatched cardboard for us. We watched for sales and snatched up all the green bins in Sandusky and Vermilion. Ryan created four computer labels for each box with highly detailed lists of all the contents, stating where it should go, and exactly how much it weighed. The scale sat next to the desk, so each box could be weighed before being perfectly labeled on four sides.
It was delightful.

We never get to enjoy such silly pleasures any more. We just have too much stuff...and too little time. We may have lost a little of that enthusiasm too.

But fresh labels still provide a little rush.

May

2010-05-05T21:26:00.000-04:00

Maybe it is just my (somewhat childish) excitement for school to soon be over, the promise of summer, the long hours of sunlight that stretch the days, the wind blowing through my kitchen's open window, all the little seedlings that are popping through the soil in their tiny pots on my deck, the birthdays of some of my very favorite people on earth, the spontaneous outdoor adventures on weeknights and weekends, the first picnics of the year, the first strawberry shortcake, waking up to the sun....

...for so many reasons, May is extra beautiful. Whether the days are cold or rainy, hot, or windy...it doesn't matter. May is still here. It is still spring. All those cold and gray early months of the year now seem distant and insignificant. A settling (and also giddy) kind of happiness about the world arrives in May.

I finally believe that summer will come.

Jjamppong (a.k.a. "Jam Bong Soup")

2010-05-02T23:03:00.000-04:00

Seriously. It has been too long.

Maybe I'll just learn to make it myself.

my birthday girl

2010-05-02T19:25:00.001-04:00

She's four and so grown up. All day I've been telling her stories about the day that she was born. "And were you so happy? Was I really cute?" she asks. She's looking over my shoulder right now, looking at the pictures I've posted..."is that when I was three?"

She's been very excited about her birthday, but a little bit nervous about being four. For weeks she's been asking questions about "when I'm four".....fishing for details, "but I'll still be me right? I'll still be a little girl? Like....just like this, right? Can I still wear the same clothes and stuff?"

We've been celebrating all weekend...visiting the Fredrick Meijer Gardens' Butterfly Exhibit, the John Ball Park Zoo, hot dogs from G & L, a visit to the beach, and lots of time with friends and cousins, Aunts and Uncles, Grandmas and Grandpas (thanks for the fun birthday party, Isaac and Will!)

Maya is becoming a prolific artist, drawing pictures of people (usually me), designing playgrounds, and working on her letters. There are layers of drawings on our fridge these days. Most of all, she loves to pretend. All day long, she's speaking in several different voices (my favorite is her semi-British accent), narrating some sort of tragedy to and with her imaginary characters. Her favorites are Laura and Mary (Ingalls), and Mikey (a mysterious friend from church that she seems to be fascinated with, but has never spoken to). Several times a day, she says "can we play baby Mikey? Pretend I was just born. Say: look it's a baby....we haven't named him yet...let's call him Mikey." She's asked if maybe Mikey could come over to play or spend the night. But whenever I ask about him, she insists that they've never spoken. She just knows his name because "the teacher says it all the time."

We just finished reading Little House on the Prairie a couple of nights ago (back when she was three), and tonight we start book 3, Farmer Boy. So it's time to go put my big four year old to bed.

thinking about sewing something to wear...

2010-04-29T16:48:00.000-04:00

I love this idea.

This creative designer/blogger was inspired by this Anthropologie shirt
to make her own...out of a regular dress shirt.

I was already to try it when I realized that I just cleaned out our closets! I donated to Hope's Outlet all the shirts that would be candidates for such a project. Rrrr.

a few of my hopes for Spring Break...

2010-04-05T00:44:00.000-04:00

play outside
go running
build blanket forts in the living room
pretend play ("Mikey", Laura and Mary, babies, orphans, doctor...)
walks
bike ride(s)
zoo trip(s)
lots of art projects and writing
play dough
read several chapters of Little House on the Prairie
catching up on ironing
organizing a drawer or two
a play date with friends
plant something
finish reading Eat. Pray. Love.
library trip
a date with my Love
get some sleep

So far, we've already filled the first weekend with Yorkshire Pudding, one long family bike ride followed by a shared vanilla milkshake, two church gatherings to remember/celebrate His death and resurrection, some very messy Easter egg decorating, three family birthdays (one party), one family Easter celebration, one quick and magical zoo trip, lots of clean/folded/put-away laundry, some swinging on our new swing set (built by Ryan and 'Papa'), running in the grass, reading, a long wandering car ride through the country while listening to Vivaldi (an unsuccessful attempt to induce post-Zoo naps), late night movies, a little too much coffee, a lot too much sugar, and not quite enough sleep (yet).

Sophia Marie Elise

2010-03-27T16:12:00.001-04:00

She's turning two tomorrow.

Happy Birthday to my sweet, funny, talkative, spunky, determined, curious, climbing, energetic, delightful, thoughtful, loving Sophie.

Happy Birthday to my Love!

2010-02-28T00:04:00.000-05:00

“The greatest happiness of life is the conviction that we are loved -- loved for ourselves,

or rather, loved in spite of ourselves.” ~Victor Hugo

Ryan,
Thank you for convincing all three of your girls that we are loved completely and unconditionally. You bring me more happiness now than ever before...a richer, more substantial kind of happiness (that is sweeter through shared joys and pain). I love how intertwined our lives have become...how connected are our future hopes and present delights and fears (and of course, how dependent we are on one another for survival these days!)
You are so loved.
Happy 31st Birthday.

Sometimes when it's too quiet upstairs...

2010-02-27T23:59:00.000-05:00

...and the girls are playing together, I get a little nervous.

This afternoon when I went up to check, it was completely silent. I didn't see them either. "What are you doing, girls?" I asked.

From behind Sophie's door I heard Maya say sweetly, "We're reading." And they were. Just sitting in the corner by the bookshelf looking at books together. This has been happening more and more lately, but it still feels a little magical every time.

Some happy news from our friend Rick...

2010-02-09T20:58:00.000-05:00

You may have read my earlier post last fall about our good friend Rick's very aggressive cancer diagnosis. Over the last couple of months, a few tests have seemed to confirm that the chemo is working beyond all expectations. Rick's post today was just too exciting not to share...

"My CT Scan results are in. And they are great news! There is no direct evidence of cancer on the scans. One area that previously showed cancer is no longer picking up any evidence. The other area that previous showed cancer has shrunk for the 2nd scan in a row and is much less defined, meaning that it could be just inflammation or even scar tissue from the cancer dying. The radiologist did not feel confident enough to label it as cancer.

We are taking this as excellent news. Dr. Sipahi is fairly sure there is still cancer present, but it is very small and possibly only microscopic. And even better yet, it is NOT spreading. This marks about 6 months since my diagnosis and according to imaging tests, there is less evidence (possibly none) of cancer now than there was at diagnosis 6 months ago. We are cautiously optimistic about these results and are planning a small celebration soon. We're going up to Boyne Mountain the first week of March for a skiing weekend and to go to Avalanche Bay indoor waterpark as a whole family getaway..."

You can read more (or sign his carepage) here.

If you think of it, please continue to plead for Rick's healing and pray for encouragement and strength and love to surround Rick, Cindy, Lauren, and Carter.

So far in 2010...

2010-01-18T21:46:00.001-05:00

....we've been enjoying a schedule that is slightly slower than the exhausting pace of last fall. I'm not taking any classes this semester, so my 9 hour work week is a pleasant change for our whole family. Hopefully when summer arrives I'll be ready for that Lansing commute again.

We've spent more time with friends and family, visiting Grandparents and hearing stories. We've even had a few quiet weekends at home, staying warm, playing hide-and-go-seek, reading books, doing puzzles, dancing around the living room, pretending, sipping 'tea' out of toy cups, making cake and tabouli in the pretend kitchen, and Ryan and I watching This American Life episodes during Sunday afternoon "nap-time" and foreign films on netflix at night on our laptop.

When Sophie is awake, life is exciting and exhausting and constantly surprising. Tonight, Ryan found the memory card for our camera precariously balancing on the toilet seat. Sophie had been potty training one of Maya's dolls and needed to snap a few photos for the baby book. Her vocabulary is expanding rapidly due to her assertive personality which requires her to articulate all day long what she needs and wants to do.... "I need dat." "Hode me momma." "I need juice!!" " I need meewk." "No, I do dat...I do it! ME!" And her new favorite phrase to yell in public if she wants freedom to run, "LET ME GO!" Unfortunately, she knows it's funny to all the strangers within hearing distance, so she smiles, repeating it louder and louder.

We've been eating lots of tabouli and hummus (Sophie's favorite food) when we need to remember how summer felt...or tasted. But we're also enjoying the warm winter roasts and stews and chili our slow cooker has provided.

And since I'm thinking about food...Ryan and I have found a new addiction to a bowl of Korean soup called Jam Bong at the Egg Roll House. I think about it...and kim chi..all the time.

A little too frequently lately, Ryan and I split a bowl of this warm and spicy, seafood-filled broth with perfect noodles while Maya practices her chop-stick skills on rice and chicken and vegetables (and Sophie spreads rice all over the floor). I think we were actually there twice last week (it couldn't have been three times??).

In other news, Sophie is sleeping in her converted "Big Girl Bed" these days. She is pretty proud to climb in all by herself just like Maya. And, though she doesn't really use it, she's very serious about her new ownership of a pillow.

The biggest problem with a 'people-pleasing' obsession

2009-12-10T09:04:00.000-05:00

"We must continually remind ourselves that the first commandment requiring us to love God with all our heart, all our soul, and all our mind, is indeed the first. I wonder if we really believe this. it seems that in fact we live as if we should give as much of our heart, soul, and mind as posisble to our fellow human beings, while trying hard not to forget God...But Jesus claim is much more radical. He asks for a single-minded commitment to God and God alone. God wants all of our heart, all of our mind, and all of our soul."

--Henri J.M. Nouwen

Instead of walking in the continual presence of God, I often walk within the worry and sadness of my own (and sometimes others') perceived inadequacies, failures, relationships, and losses. In doing this, I disregard the love for us that God has so abundantly revealed in his coming. By choosing to walk in worry and doubt, concerned with the people around me (and all their worries, and fears, and expectations), I also ignore his command to walk in Him, to give him all of my heart, all of my soul, and all of my mind.
Today's advent reading from Matthew 22:34-38 (when Jesus tells the Pharisees about the most important commandment), challenges me to get rid of those old worries (and to deliberately choose one...to give up forever) in exchange for the "shelter of a loved and loving God."

We already had our 'fake' tree up...

2009-12-09T11:58:00.000-05:00

...but Ryan took us to his childhood Christmas Tree farm for a snowy hayride, hot chocolate, and a fresh wreath for our front door.

In the midst of ethnomusicology research papers, Christmas program planning, church choir rehearsals, business trips, and the cleaning, and 'stuff'...we're loving all the Advent and Christmas traditions that are feeling more and more permanent in our family.

2009-11-18T14:42:00.001-05:00

Musical spontaneity remains

when children are not ‘redirected’ or ‘hampered’

by adult intervention.

They may not always need

our ‘approval’ or guidance

for making their music.

(paraphrased from the book "Songs in Their Heads" by Patricia Campbell)

Take out the first word 'musical' and insert...artistic, playful, creative, intellectual, social, linguistic, etc...

and the statement remains as convicting (at least for me.)

Though I'm a big fan of approval in general (guidance too!), I love this reminder of how gentle, purposeful, and careful must be the work of parenting and teaching.

One more reason I teach and make music...

2009-10-28T12:05:00.000-04:00

...lastly and most importantly, I believe, music and music education help develop a child’s sense of being, her consciousness, her ‘self.’ Madeleine L’Engle, who is best known as the award-winning author of A Wrinkle in Time, believes that one of the greatest responsibilities of educators is “to give the child a self.” Instead, educators, parents, coaches, administrators, and counselors often struggle to give them something drastically different (and I would argue, inferior), a ‘self-image.’ Is our culture’s preoccupation with giving children a ‘self-image’ a good idea?
By giving a child a self instead, we are not giving them “something static, tied up in a pretty parcel and handed to the child, finished and complete. A self is always becoming. Being does mean becoming.” (Madeleine L’Engle, A Circle of Quiet)
This concept of ‘becoming,’ of having a self, of consciousness is a defining human capability. Overcoming the selfish self, the self-image, means that we are becoming more real, more human, more loving. We become more conscious and less self-conscious. Consciousness is authentic sensitivity, awareness of being. Self-consciousness is superficial, affected, and selfish. L’Engle explores this truth and its connection to creativity in A Circle of Quiet (one of my favorites of her non-fiction), “So, when we wholly concentrate, like a child in play, or an artist at work, then we share in the act of creating. We not only escape time, we also escape our self-conscious selves.”

Some reasons I teach and make music.

2009-10-28T11:13:00.000-04:00

...the inherent and unique ability of music to bring order to consciousness for those who engage in ‘musicing.’ Just as writing helps bring clarity and order to my thinking...music also helps clarify my thoughts and feelings which cannot be expressed with words.
...music provides opportunities to experience “flow” (motivation which occurs when exciting challenges are perfectly balanced to match and extend ability) which spurs self-growth and self-knowledge.
...the distinctive power of music to “refine and extend” our ability to feel. By intensifying our felt experiences, music allows us to deepen our connections with the world around us, to broaden our capacity to love, and ultimately to strengthen and enrich our humanity.

I think these ideas capture a small (and somewhat cloudy) glimpse of the true masterpiece (the 'big picture') of the way that we were created to create...like our Creator so generously intended.

2009-10-21T15:43:00.000-04:00

Heard you that shriek? It rose
So wildly on the air,
It seem'd as if a burden'd heart
Was breaking in despair.
Saw you those hands so sadly clasped --
The bowed and feeble head --
The shuddering of that fragile form --
That look of grief and dread?
Saw you the sad, imploring eye?
Its every glance was pain,
As if a storm of agony
Were sweeping through the brain.
She is a mother pale with fear,
Her boy clings to her side,
And in her kyrtle vainly tries
His trembling form to hide.
He is not hers, although she bore
For him a mother's pains;
He is not hers, although her blood
is coursing through his veins!
He is not hers, for cruel hands
May rudely tear apart
The only wreath of household love
That binds her breaking heart.
His love has been a joyous light
That o'er her pathway smiled,
A fountain gushing ever new,
Amid life's desert wild.
His lightest word has been a tone
Of music round her heart,
Their lives a streamlet blent in one --
Oh, Father! must they part?
They tear him from her circling arms,
Her last and fond embrace: --
Oh! never more may her sad eyes
Gaze on his mournful face.
No marvel, then, these bitter shrieks
Disturb the listening air;
She is a mother, and her heart
Is breaking in despair.

"The Slave Mother," by Frances Ellen Watkins Harper.

This week I transcribed (into musical notation) a recording of this poem. It brought me to tears several times. I could say much more...but I've just been writing too many papers instead.

the end of summer seems forever ago...

2009-10-09T22:06:00.000-04:00

My fingers are freezing right now, actually. But I'm still cherishing the beginning of fall. Cherishing, slow-cooking...and baking (too much). Since the cold and rain began, we've already enjoyed pumpkin pie, pumpkin bread, apple crisp, chocolate chip cookies, rustic peach pie, squash bisque, pork roast... I love all the warm smells (and flavors) in our kitchen.