my dollhouse

We brought my dollhouse home today. As I discovered all the tiny contents, a flood of memories of my quirky and very whimsical childhood came rushing back. My grandfather Ed (my dad's father) built this beautiful wooden dollhouse for me. And one Christmas, my brother Daniel spent hours gluing the wooden shingles to the roof. Some of the furniture was beautiful...but lots of the 'accessories' were my own creations...made out of paper and scotch tape, plastic pizza box stands, scraps of fabric, old candle holders, legos, broken tiles.
I trashed some of the really gross things... but I just had to set it all up..just right. It needed to be photographed this way before I tear it apart and clean all those layers of dust and spider webs.
That photo is of my friend, Arianne Strattan (now a Ford model) on the wall in that frame (made out of toothpicks). I remember thinking that she looked just like my dollhouse family's little girl (with blue eyes, long blond hair, and a pink dress).I can't believe how much time I spent meticulously making things for my little family. Apparently, I thought it very important that every member of the family should have their own tiny Bible. (I even gave one of them gold pages?!?) A custom violin case (made out of scotch tape and black construction paper),......a re-purposed spool of thread covered with a fabric scrap became an end table to hold my oil lamp. I made a miniature pink stenciled bedside table out of one of those round plastic stands that used to be (still are?) in pizza boxes for the little girl's room. A pink towel became carpet, strands of lace and paper scraps fill the windows. I spent hours decorating and redecorating... using anything I could find. I sewed tiny clothes for my people, pillows and blankets for their beds. I knew that I loved to make things as a child. But until I saw this stash...I had no idea.

I like remembering. I've been remembering a lot lately. In the past week, I've even thought of a few stories to tell Ryan that he's never heard! For some reason, the past has been more attainable in my memory files these days. And it makes me feel richer.

Now that they are awake from their naps (the doll house was sitting on the kitchen table when Maya and Sophie woke up), I can hardly keep the girls away from it. (I really want to clean it first!) I wish they knew their Great Grandpa who built such a delightful and sturdy dollhouse for his little granddaughter. I wish they could sit in his lap and laugh while he pretended to be confused about which were hands and which were feet. I wish they knew his quiet humor and his big twinkling brown eyes. And I wish I could thank him again for this gift that he is now giving to my children.

An emailed response from my last post.

It wouldn't fit in the comment box...




...but it deserved to be posted.

If I had these...

I think I would put them on everything. It could be dangerous...I don't know if I would know when to stop. I just love how they give everything a place and a name.

This is where Ryan's unique personality and my own have been woven together. His love of structure and pattern and predictability is usually at odds with my scattered, unpredictable intensity-for-too-many-things to maintain a lot of order. But labels are one of many things that bring us together. We both treasure the beauty and function of labels.

When we were newlyweds...moving for the first time (from Vermilion, OH back to MI) we had a lot of time to pack. We put everything (except large furniture) into matching plastic bins. No mismatched cardboard for us. We watched for sales and snatched up all the green bins in Sandusky and Vermilion. Ryan created four computer labels for each box with highly detailed lists of all the contents, stating where it should go, and exactly how much it weighed. The scale sat next to the desk, so each box could be weighed before being perfectly labeled on four sides.
It was delightful.

We never get to enjoy such silly pleasures any more. We just have too much stuff...and too little time. We may have lost a little of that enthusiasm too.

But fresh labels still provide a little rush.

May

Maybe it is just my (somewhat childish) excitement for school to soon be over, the promise of summer, the long hours of sunlight that stretch the days, the wind blowing through my kitchen's open window, all the little seedlings that are popping through the soil in their tiny pots on my deck, the birthdays of some of my very favorite people on earth, the spontaneous outdoor adventures on weeknights and weekends, the first picnics of the year, the first strawberry shortcake, waking up to the sun....

...for so many reasons, May is extra beautiful. Whether the days are cold or rainy, hot, or windy...it doesn't matter. May is still here. It is still spring. All those cold and gray early months of the year now seem distant and insignificant. A settling (and also giddy) kind of happiness about the world arrives in May.

I finally believe that summer will come.

Jjamppong (a.k.a. "Jam Bong Soup")

Seriously. It has been too long.

Maybe I'll just learn to make it myself.

my birthday girl

She's four and so grown up. All day I've been telling her stories about the day that she was born. "And were you so happy? Was I really cute?" she asks. She's looking over my shoulder right now, looking at the pictures I've posted..."is that when I was three?"

She's been very excited about her birthday, but a little bit nervous about being four. For weeks she's been asking questions about "when I'm four".....fishing for details, "but I'll still be me right? I'll still be a little girl? Like....just like this, right? Can I still wear the same clothes and stuff?"

We've been celebrating all weekend...visiting the Fredrick Meijer Gardens' Butterfly Exhibit, the John Ball Park Zoo, hot dogs from G & L, a visit to the beach, and lots of time with friends and cousins, Aunts and Uncles, Grandmas and Grandpas (thanks for the fun birthday party, Isaac and Will!)

Maya is becoming a prolific artist, drawing pictures of people (usually me), designing playgrounds, and working on her letters. There are layers of drawings on our fridge these days. Most of all, she loves to pretend. All day long, she's speaking in several different voices (my favorite is her semi-British accent), narrating some sort of tragedy to and with her imaginary characters. Her favorites are Laura and Mary (Ingalls), and Mikey (a mysterious friend from church that she seems to be fascinated with, but has never spoken to). Several times a day, she says "can we play baby Mikey? Pretend I was just born. Say: look it's a baby....we haven't named him yet...let's call him Mikey." She's asked if maybe Mikey could come over to play or spend the night. But whenever I ask about him, she insists that they've never spoken. She just knows his name because "the teacher says it all the time."

We just finished reading Little House on the Prairie a couple of nights ago (back when she was three), and tonight we start book 3, Farmer Boy. So it's time to go put my big four year old to bed.

thinking about sewing something to wear...

I love this idea.

This creative designer/blogger was inspired by this Anthropologie shirt
to make her own...out of a regular dress shirt.

I was already to try it when I realized that I just cleaned out our closets! I donated to Hope's Outlet all the shirts that would be candidates for such a project. Rrrr.

a few of my hopes for Spring Break...

• play outside
• go running
• build blanket forts in the living room
  
• pretend play ("Mikey", Laura and Mary, babies, orphans, doctor...)
  
• walks
• bike ride(s)
• zoo trip(s)
• lots of art projects and writing
• play dough
• read several chapters of Little House on the Prairie
• catching up on ironing
• organizing a drawer or two
• a play date with friends
• plant something
• finish reading Eat. Pray. Love.
• library trip
• a date with my Love
• get some sleep

So far, we've already filled the first weekend with Yorkshire Pudding, one long family bike ride followed by a shared vanilla milkshake, two church gatherings to remember/celebrate His death and resurrection, some very messy Easter egg decorating, three family birthdays (one party), one family Easter celebration, one quick and magical zoo trip, lots of clean/folded/put-away laundry, some swinging on our new swing set (built by Ryan and 'Papa'), running in the grass, reading, a long wandering car ride through the country while listening to Vivaldi (an unsuccessful attempt to induce post-Zoo naps), late night movies, a little too much coffee, a lot too much sugar, and not quite enough sleep (yet).

Sophia Marie Elise

She's turning two tomorrow.

Happy Birthday to my sweet, funny, talkative, spunky, determined, curious, climbing, energetic, delightful, thoughtful, loving Sophie.

Happy Birthday to my Love!

“The greatest happiness of life is the conviction that we are loved -- loved for ourselves,

or rather, loved in spite of ourselves.” ~Victor Hugo

Ryan,
Thank you for convincing all three of your girls that we are loved completely and unconditionally. You bring me more happiness now than ever before...a richer, more substantial kind of happiness (that is sweeter through shared joys and pain). I love how intertwined our lives have become...how connected are our future hopes and present delights and fears (and of course, how dependent we are on one another for survival these days!)
You are so loved.
Happy 31st Birthday.

Sometimes when it's too quiet upstairs...

...and the girls are playing together, I get a little nervous.

This afternoon when I went up to check, it was completely silent. I didn't see them either. "What are you doing, girls?" I asked.

From behind Sophie's door I heard Maya say sweetly, "We're reading." And they were. Just sitting in the corner by the bookshelf looking at books together. This has been happening more and more lately, but it still feels a little magical every time.

Some happy news from our friend Rick...

You may have read my earlier post last fall about our good friend Rick's very aggressive cancer diagnosis. Over the last couple of months, a few tests have seemed to confirm that the chemo is working beyond all expectations. Rick's post today was just too exciting not to share...

"My CT Scan results are in. And they are great news! There is no direct evidence of cancer on the scans. One area that previously showed cancer is no longer picking up any evidence. The other area that previous showed cancer has shrunk for the 2nd scan in a row and is much less defined, meaning that it could be just inflammation or even scar tissue from the cancer dying. The radiologist did not feel confident enough to label it as cancer.

We are taking this as excellent news. Dr. Sipahi is fairly sure there is still cancer present, but it is very small and possibly only microscopic. And even better yet, it is NOT spreading. This marks about 6 months since my diagnosis and according to imaging tests, there is less evidence (possibly none) of cancer now than there was at diagnosis 6 months ago. We are cautiously optimistic about these results and are planning a small celebration soon. We're going up to Boyne Mountain the first week of March for a skiing weekend and to go to Avalanche Bay indoor waterpark as a whole family getaway..."

You can read more (or sign his carepage) here.

If you think of it, please continue to plead for Rick's healing and pray for encouragement and strength and love to surround Rick, Cindy, Lauren, and Carter.

So far in 2010...

....we've been enjoying a schedule that is slightly slower than the exhausting pace of last fall. I'm not taking any classes this semester, so my 9 hour work week is a pleasant change for our whole family. Hopefully when summer arrives I'll be ready for that Lansing commute again.

We've spent more time with friends and family, visiting Grandparents and hearing stories. We've even had a few quiet weekends at home, staying warm, playing hide-and-go-seek, reading books, doing puzzles, dancing around the living room, pretending, sipping 'tea' out of toy cups, making cake and tabouli in the pretend kitchen, and Ryan and I watching This American Life episodes during Sunday afternoon "nap-time" and foreign films on netflix at night on our laptop.

When Sophie is awake, life is exciting and exhausting and constantly surprising. Tonight, Ryan found the memory card for our camera precariously balancing on the toilet seat. Sophie had been potty training one of Maya's dolls and needed to snap a few photos for the baby book. Her vocabulary is expanding rapidly due to her assertive personality which requires her to articulate all day long what she needs and wants to do.... "I need dat." "Hode me momma." "I need juice!!" " I need meewk." "No, I do dat...I do it! ME!" And her new favorite phrase to yell in public if she wants freedom to run, "LET ME GO!" Unfortunately, she knows it's funny to all the strangers within hearing distance, so she smiles, repeating it louder and louder.

We've been eating lots of tabouli and hummus (Sophie's favorite food) when we need to remember how summer felt...or tasted. But we're also enjoying the warm winter roasts and stews and chili our slow cooker has provided.

And since I'm thinking about food...Ryan and I have found a new addiction to a bowl of Korean soup called Jam Bong at the Egg Roll House. I think about it...and kim chi..all the time.

A little too frequently lately, Ryan and I split a bowl of this warm and spicy, seafood-filled broth with perfect noodles while Maya practices her chop-stick skills on rice and chicken and vegetables (and Sophie spreads rice all over the floor). I think we were actually there twice last week (it couldn't have been three times??).





In other news, Sophie is sleeping in her converted "Big Girl Bed" these days. She is pretty proud to climb in all by herself just like Maya. And, though she doesn't really use it, she's very serious about her new ownership of a pillow.

The biggest problem with a 'people-pleasing' obsession

"We must continually remind ourselves that the first commandment requiring us to love God with all our heart, all our soul, and all our mind, is indeed the first. I wonder if we really believe this. it seems that in fact we live as if we should give as much of our heart, soul, and mind as posisble to our fellow human beings, while trying hard not to forget God...But Jesus claim is much more radical. He asks for a single-minded commitment to God and God alone. God wants all of our heart, all of our mind, and all of our soul."

--Henri J.M. Nouwen

Instead of walking in the continual presence of God, I often walk within the worry and sadness of my own (and sometimes others') perceived inadequacies, failures, relationships, and losses. In doing this, I disregard the love for us that God has so abundantly revealed in his coming. By choosing to walk in worry and doubt, concerned with the people around me (and all their worries, and fears, and expectations), I also ignore his command to walk in Him, to give him all of my heart, all of my soul, and all of my mind.
Today's advent reading from Matthew 22:34-38 (when Jesus tells the Pharisees about the most important commandment), challenges me to get rid of those old worries (and to deliberately choose one...to give up forever) in exchange for the "shelter of a loved and loving God."

We already had our 'fake' tree up...

...but Ryan took us to his childhood Christmas Tree farm for a snowy hayride, hot chocolate, and a fresh wreath for our front door.








In the midst of ethnomusicology research papers, Christmas program planning, church choir rehearsals, business trips, and the cleaning, and 'stuff'...we're loving all the Advent and Christmas traditions that are feeling more and more permanent in our family.