a taste of summer

Another rewarding concert season is over, a mere six days of teaching remain, preschool is finished for Maya, I have clean laundry (mostly), a clean house (finally!), two sleeping daughters (and a snoring husband), a hot bath, clean sheets, an Audrey Niffenegger novel, a slow Saturday ahead with the possibility of sleeping past 5:30 am...unbelievably grateful.

That was my facebook status from the weekend. The possibilities for the weekend seemed so beautiful and hopeful that Friday night. And after lots of sleep Friday night, we woke to the sun shining through our cream curtains. We had whole-wheat oatmeal pancakes (from scratch...and there's more mix in the freezer!), scrambled eggs and turkey sausage for breakfast. All day, Ryan worked on the shed with his dad, and I weeded and put fresh mulch in the front garden. The girls played and laughed in their new 'kiddie pool' and took great naps in the afternoon. We worshiped together with friends at Converge and thought about the ways that we are inclined to enslave ourselves (like the Israelites) and God is inclined to deliver us. And....that God has made us uniquely gifted to help deliver one another too. That reminder of our role in relationships just keeps rolling around in my mind...especially as we spent time with friends from Lifegroup, grilling and eating, laughing, crying, praying, listening, and sharing our lives.

Somehow, there was lots of time just being at home, and lots of good time with friends too. I even got to take the girls on a date with my mom to the ballet (Sleeping Beauty).
And today, I woke up without an alarm or yelling children (I even got to run before the girls woke up).

The precarious balance of relaxation and productivity, solitude and conversation, contemplation and laughter, generosity and indulgence that marked my weekend seemed as sweet as the combination of rain and sunshine today.

May Day

Five years ago tonight...I was nesting furiously. I spent the entire day home alone with open windows, billowing curtains, fresh spring air... I scrubbed bathrooms, dusted and moved all the furniture in order to mop the hardwood floors in the entire house. Every dish and sheet and towel and piece of clothing was clean and put away. When Ryan came home and saw my crazy eyes...he was a little nervous. (He'd heard of this nesting thing and knew what it meant.)

When I was finally satisfied with my work (around midnight)...I took a long relaxing shower and snuggled into bed next to Ryan. My bags were packed and ready. I slept hard, knowing that if Maya came the next day...I'd be ready. And of course, the sweet girl woke me up in the middle of the night...ready to arrive, just in time. Her arrival seemed surreal and beyond all my expectations. My love for her, already so deep, suddenly felt like a beautiful and excruciating weight on my chest.

She is sleeping happily...wondering what the morning will bring. Pondering her new five-year-old identity. I can't wait to celebrate with her. She has so many fun and surprising ideas and thoughts. I love seeing the world differently now, hearing her perspective of how things are...and how they should be.

Now, I'm going to make some cookies for her pre-school class. I'll probably clean a lot tonight too..but I don't think I'll catch up to my old expectations this time around. That probably won't happen for a while in this house...


...and I keep telling myself that's okay. Because our days are filled with better things than perfect cleanliness and order.