Monday, March 26, 2012

barely intelligible utterances of excitement

I have a jittery feeling in my sides.  I sometimes feel like flopping my hands up and down and... and screeching.  Every feature of my face smiles.

One of the greatest joys of this trip is the preparation and the anticipation.  Realizing the magnitude of the gift, I want to be able to hold on to as much as possible, to be so intentional that I don't let one hour of it slip by.  My brain is bursting with fresh learning, French phrases and sounds, historical information, stories and art, architecture and Paris, practical information, museum schedules and exhibits, itinerary plans.  I sometimes feel that I'm hardly containing half of the "learning" I am consuming.  And so sometimes my brain just swirls with unintelligible feelings (not words or thoughts)  of pure anticipation and elation.

It hardly seems real.

Sometimes, in my head....when I should be thinking about something else, I'm saying "Ohmygoodness.Ohmygoodness.Ohmygoodness.I'mgoingto PARIS!   THIS. WEEK."

Most of the time I can function and focus and be more outwardly focused.  I can plan for other things, invest in others, listen, be in the moment.  The authenticity and graciousness of the people around me usually keep me grounded.  Some really sweet people that love me even ask me questions about my trip and listen and dream with me...and they are (either genuinely or convincingly) excited too.  Every once in a while, when I am able to be really present in the world around me and the people and the problems and the blessings and the daily stuff...I actually forget for a few minutes.  Then suddenly,  the thought of it just consumes me and I grin and I usually start shaking a little.

Ohmygoodness. I'm going to PARIS.  In a few DAYS!

I'm really sorry about how obnoxious I am.  It'll be over soon.

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