...when it's been so long. I've often sat at the computer, opened a new post, and left it blank. I keep meaning to post. There have been lots of things to blog about.
But the longer I wait, the more daunting my task becomes.
This shouldn't be so much of a chore.
I like to think of it as a hobby. But you're not supposed to feel guilt for neglecting hobbies. Right?
So maybe my brothers are right. I just might not actually like blogging right now. I like looking back at posts I've written. I like reading friends' blogs. I even like thinking about future posts I intend to write. But somehow, I just don't do it.
So, as if you didn't already realize this (I'm writing this for myself. I'm aware that you are perceptive enough to understand this already. You know me well enough that you probably don't check here every day, disappointed that I STILL haven't posted anything new.) I have no expectations for this blog right now. No quotas, no guilt, no pressure.
In fact, I probably won't post much.
But I might.
And since I've already done this much work....
...I might as well just go ahead and ramble a bit...
I took a step this summer that makes me feel hopeful about my recurring BLAH feelings...my disappointment, regret, insecurity...
I became a student again.
There is something about being a student that makes me realize that my inadequacies are not unique and not permanent. I am still learning, growing. I am not yet ready to stagnate, to wallow in self pity and allow the daily grind to steal my hope.
I spent a week on the stately campus of MSU, walking under old trees, reading and writing music on benches in quiet botanical gardens, singing and acting ridiculous with other music teachers, studying the way that children learn, discussing musical development and creativity, having rich conversations with new friends...and learning from people that inspire me.
And again, I felt deeply happy that this is my job.
This week, another (and I think better) kind of happiness is mine... hours and hours of uninterrupted time with my Maya. While Ryan attends 'Fundraising School' at Indiana University, we've been filling our days with wandering about the streets and canals of Indianapolis, resting and playing in our air conditioned hotel room, and napping...
...oh, and searching online for places to live.
We're 99% sure we've sold our house!