Though becoming a mother has overwhelmed me with unimaginable love, the purest happiness, new depth...
...the practicality and repetition of daily life seem to be shutting down my ability to think or care about much else.
Do you ever just have really dry spells?
Creatively, spiritually, mentally...
It's almost as if the euphoria of my time spent with Maya and my immeasurable joy in being her Mother has drained me of all other ability to care.
Or maybe I care too much...about all the real and imagined problems of the people around me that I love. Either way, the weight of my emptiness is tangible.
I'm so disappointed with myself. I have everything. Most of the time, I feel intoxicated with gratitude and happiness. My heart has never been so full of love as it is now for Maya and Ryan. Still, sometimes I feel like I'm disconnected somehow...from my former self...from God.
Until a few days ago, I haven't even been honest enough with myself to notice this.
It's quite self-absorbed, I know. It's whining, self-pity, ingratitude, prayerlessness....
Still.
Does everyone experience moments of sheer disappointment? With no apparent cause?
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Now there's a really enticing "welcome back to my blog!' first post in a month."
Probably far too personal. I do apologize....but you must consider:
1) my level of exhaustion at 11:30 PM,
2) the intense ability/habitual tendency that I have to *feel* everything, and
3) my inability to filter my expression of my feelings.
I am completely transparent (and hopelessly dramatic)...definite flaws. I'll certainly live to regret them.
I promise, when my inspiration returns, I'll think of something really great to make up for such a depressing post.
For now, here's the best way I know how to make it up to you...
