Sunday, July 08, 2007

I wish my abilty to feel things for other people held some
practical purpose
.

It seems so meaningless to ache with hurt when it can't fix anything.

I wish my ability to carefully construct the world around me into a sepia toned, nostalgic, warm and fuzzy dream world could actually mend the brokenness that seems to lurking in too many corners right now.

This selfish craving of my own personal warmth and security in knowing the people I love are fulfilled, happy, loved...
...doesn't mean that they are fulfilled, happy, loved.

And all of my imaginative, artistic, naive wishing doesn't really hold any power to alter reality or hide the truth that life is not...sepia toned.

If it could somehow, magically (miraculously?) restore some of the hope, truth, depth into some of the broken things around me...would I be willing to give up the comfort (and appearance) of my own 'fairytale-ish' life?

3 comments:

Rose said...

Silly Ang!
You feeling what others feel, does serve a purpose. You are what God created you to be. When people tell you their troubles, they are blessed by you because they know you truly care for them. That's such a comfort to others! Don't change. I'll pray you find peace, while you're comforting others...
Ever think of going into psychology? You could be a creative, musically talented head shrink :)
hehehe

Ang said...

Rose...
that's funny that you mentioned that.

I have at certain times in my life thought of psych (just because of my natural inclinations toward empathy and peacemaking). but never seriously, though. i would be far too feeling, emotional and not rational, logical, problem-solving enough :)

But recently I have been kind of excited by the field of Music Psychology (which is REALLY broad, but includes Music Educational research...and I am fascinated with the way that we learn and process music, how children develop musically, etc.)

so maybe there is psych in my future :)

thank you for your encouraging words.

A&C said...

HI Ang-
I always enjoy reading your blog because you always put into words many things that i think and feel too. We've always been able to relate and are alike in so many ways- maybe it is that crazy musician side of us :) Anyway, i miss you and our long chats and love you and just wanted you to know that you have a kindred spirit with you on the other side of the world :) Hope to catch up soon!

love
Amy