Saturday, April 30, 2005


I have been convinced that I am loved. What happiness.

I have the most thoughtful, spontaneous, and sweet husband. Last night, we had a date planned for dinner, and Ryan suggested that we eat at Rafferties (an expensive, on the marina style restaurant--also the place we had our rehearsal dinner). After dinner, he proposed that we go inside and look around the hotel next door to the restaraunt where we stayed on our wedding night--to see how things had changed since we had stayed there almost three years ago-before it was completely finished. I laughed and protested that you can't just walk into a hotel and wander around without being paying guests, but I did any way...and followed him all around to look at the newly finished pool and hot tub, and beautiful antique-furnished parlors and dining rooms. I even agreed (with hesitation) to go up in the elevator with him. When we stopped on the seventh floor and walked down the hall towards the room we stayed in on our wedding night, I STILL was completely oblivious. I reluctantly followed him, all the while protesting that he needed to stop being so adventurous, and that someone would soon discover us... it would be very embarassing to be asked to leave. Then,, he pulled the key out of his pocket and pulled me into the very room we first....
Well it was the most beautiful hotel I've ever stayed in--too expensive for us to justify staying there again for our anniversary, overlooking the water, with glass doors all around, a jacuzzi, a fireplace.... And I cried. It's not our anniversary. I do feel a little dumb for not figuring it out. I am really slow. But at least that way it's easy to surprise me--and I do love surprises.

Friday, April 29, 2005

Life's greatest happiness is to be convinced we are loved.
Victor Hugo (1802 - 1885), Les Miserables, 1862

Wednesday, April 27, 2005

Happy Birthday Emma!

Ang & Emma feeding Isaac
Originally uploaded by AngandRyan.
Eight years ago, today, this beautiful second-grader, violinist, gymnast, pianist, creative artist, thoughtful friend, loving big sister and cousin, Emma was born...making me a very proud aunt!

I love you!

-aunt "Gigi"
"It is a great thing to know the season for speech and the season for silence."
Seneca (5 BC - 65 AD)

This week, I was challenged to contemplate my words--deliberately. It seems so cliche to point out, yet I often fail to understand that words are so powerful. I do far too many things without being deliberate. I inadvertently put things in nonsensical places, commit to things I don't actually desire to do or remember later, waste an hour without accomplishing any great or small task, lose at least one important belonging almost daily...
In all of that thoughtless living, am I destroying people around me with my words...or lack of words? Usually I am pretty deliberate with the words I give to strangers, aquaintances, and even good friends. But I throw around sharp, cynical, criticisms and thoughtless comments to the people...mostly the person, I love the most... my husband...and before marriage, my mother. Why does being comfortably with someone make me, an otherwise sweet and people-pleasing person, so cruel?
I want my words, or my silence to bring grace, and give refreshment and peace in the chaos of life.

Monday, April 25, 2005

My newest nephews...

Isaac & Will just born
Originally uploaded by AngandRyan.
Isaac and Will. To read the whole story go to

A Real Blogger

I've been a faithful blog reader for years now, I guess. This is one of many attempts to become a real blogger. Usually the blogs I create are tended so infrequently that I, their creator, forget the address, password, or username. I'm glad my creator is not so absentminded. I do wonder where those blogs are. I suppose I could try to find them. Maybe I have faithful readers who are just waiting for me to give them more. probably not.

One of my favorite blogs, The Back Burner, just ended. That must have internally affected me somehow to contribute something to the blog world. What do I hope to accomplish through this new attempt at blogging? hm.. I guess I want to force myself to think about my world more carefully. To be more contemplative about daily interactions. I've never been a good journal keeper. I'm just not disciplined enough. Other arts are more attractive to me. I'm a musician by trade. I also love visual arts--drawing, painting. But I have real respect for writers--people who use words to capture audiences, paint pictures of truth, or express themselves.... music just makes it too easy. Writing takes a lot of thought.

So, I want to learn to be more thoughtful. More insightful.

I also hope to create better connections to people I love... by sharing my life with them. I typically am a good friend when it's easy. But if I am separated by distance, circumstances, life, or time... I find that I am quite selfish and incapable of meaningful correspondence. So maybe if I can learn to blog, I can get past some of those barriers of distance and time and share my world more generously with the people I love.

One thing I have learned about blogging from my experience as a reader is that long blogs are not always as captivating to the audience as the writer intended. And since this is my first attempt on this blog, I'd better just quit before I lose my already non-existent readership.