“Our love of course seemed to us a miracle. First love always does, the old, old story sung by poets and sneered at by wrinkled of heart. And yet it is a miracle, an unbelievable miracle, just as every springtime of the earth is a miracle.”

"And there was a principle of courtesy: whatever one of us asked the other to do- it was assumed the asker would weight all consequences--the other would do. Thus one might wake the other in the night and ask for a cup of water; and the other would peacefully (and sleepily) fetch it. We, in fact, defined courtesy as 'a cup of water in the night.' And we considered it a very great courtesy to ask for the cup as well as to fetch it."

~Sheldon VanAuken, A Severe Mercy

Some of my favorite themes from a treasured book. And even better than reading the book, is the realization again and again, that for me, it's not just a romantic dream or a deep and unfulfilled spiritual longing. I'm actually lucky enough to have a love just like this.

"I like not only to be loved,..."

"...but also to be told I am loved." ~George Eliot


Before our anniversary dinner, Ryan took me to the one place where he knew he wanted to exchange our gifts. The mysterious and beautiful wooden box he carried over his head made me a little nervous, as we climbed down the slippery rocks to the beach. When we reached the sand, he pulled out a blanket (out of nowhere?) and unfolded it for us to sit upon together and breathe in the beauty of the scene. For a while, we just sat there, holding each other, resting in the quietness of our surroundings and the rare calm that we felt. Our contentment to just be...there...together...was quiet and very real. All our happiest moments seem to be somewhat timeless, I think. Those minutes on the beach seem frozen that way in my memory, timeless.

The surprises inside my treasure chest were wrapped carefully, with little cards explaining the significance of each present. This man knows how to tell me that I am loved. The rocky beach and the disappearing shoreline in front of us became a perfect frame for my new painting.

After twelve years of holding hands, I still love this feeling.
Our hands are only a little more wrinkled and weathered now than when we exchanged these rings nine years ago.
I wonder how many wrinkles will change this picture in fifty years?
What we will face together in those years?
I am more certain today than ever, of how I am lucky to be the one that gets to spend the rest of my years holding his hand.

escape

dreamlike. restful. decadent. crazy fun.

If I had these...

I think I would put them on everything. It could be dangerous...I don't know if I would know when to stop. I just love how they give everything a place and a name.

This is where Ryan's unique personality and my own have been woven together. His love of structure and pattern and predictability is usually at odds with my scattered, unpredictable intensity-for-too-many-things to maintain a lot of order. But labels are one of many things that bring us together. We both treasure the beauty and function of labels.

When we were newlyweds...moving for the first time (from Vermilion, OH back to MI) we had a lot of time to pack. We put everything (except large furniture) into matching plastic bins. No mismatched cardboard for us. We watched for sales and snatched up all the green bins in Sandusky and Vermilion. Ryan created four computer labels for each box with highly detailed lists of all the contents, stating where it should go, and exactly how much it weighed. The scale sat next to the desk, so each box could be weighed before being perfectly labeled on four sides.
It was delightful.

We never get to enjoy such silly pleasures any more. We just have too much stuff...and too little time. We may have lost a little of that enthusiasm too.

But fresh labels still provide a little rush.

I'm so lucky...

...that this man is the father of my children.





...that he picked me...to walk through life with, to spend forever beside, to raise our children together, to grow old with.




...that he is earnest, intelligent, kind, deep, fun, spontaneous, surprising, faithful, wise, romantic, honest, godly, diligent, witty, compassionate, articulate, patient, balanced, forgiving.


...that I get to be the one to kiss him when he wakes up a 'thirty-year-old'.

(I just went into the living room to give him a sleepy birthday kiss as his grandfather's mantel clock chimed midnight)




Though he's always said that he will like being an old man (he really likes handkerchiefs, shoe-polish, going to bed early, Antiques Roadshow, and Mr. Rogers-style-cardigan sweaters), he's a little bit afraid of leaving his 20's forever.

I think this is the first birthday that feels...momentous and intimidating. It's easy for me to say this, since I'm a mere 27...but I really think the 30's aren't so frightening. I love the man that Ryan has become/is becoming. And I love all of his thirty years of life that he now possesses.

In the last year (maybe it's because I'm feeling 'old' too), I've been thinking about the idea that the years we have lived are ours, and though we can't go back...or 'have' them back...we do still have them. Everything that we have gained from them, all the wisdom, experiences, memories, accomplishments, joys, sorrows are irrevocably ours.

My favorite author, Madeleine L'Engle said it nicely, "The great thing about getting older, is that you don't lose all the other ages you've been."

Ryan, I love the years of yours that you've shared with me... as your friend and your wife.
I feel so lucky to have you (and all your years).

Happy Birthday!

On a boardwalk lined with sailboats...

...four friends walked towards the lighthouse. It was the summer of 1998. Two of the friends were obnoxiously oblivious to the others. Their eyes flirted as they talked...just as they had for years, but they both knew that tonight was not like all the others evenings they had spent together with friends. Earlier, over the phone, they had finally talked....about all that had been silently growing between them. And now as they walked, occasionally their fingers would 'accidentally' brush together, lingering but never intentionally touching. But as they all leaned against the lighthouse to watch the sun set, the college boy with blue eyes rather timidly grabbed the girl's hand. And she's been madly in love with him ever since.





Earlier this month (or was it last month?), we went back to the Grand Haven boardwalk for a very rare, peaceful, romantic date. It was even better this time, ten years later...dreaming about our future together, talking about our marriage, our children, our disappointments and greatest happinesses. Sometimes, my stomach still flips when he holds my hand.

saturday date night

After we left Maya with Nana and Papa, we aimlessly wandered the aisles of the deceptively not-that-great-closeout-sale at Elder Beerman hoping to find a really incredible something we've always needed...for next to nothing. We didn't find it.
We did see lots of parents with loud 2-ish year old children in strollers. As we passed them, we felt a vague sense of familiarity and empathy with their expressions of urgency, exhaustion, distractedness...

With an hour still to fill, we drove through a few parking lots to Barnes & Noble where we conducted a thorough but unsuccessful search for a Moleskin 2008 calendar for Ryan. Happily, we did find one frappuccino and one hot tea.

Then...we saw Juno. (With every middle-school student in town?) And it was beautiful, funny, satisfying. I sat there shaking with sobs of happiness and just so much feeling...even while the noisy student section giggled and whispered.

back in june...

...we added an "Uncle Sean" to our little Corbin family.






But then, we had to say goodbye to Aunt Kelly and Uncle Sean.


Until last weekend!!
Their happy return was celebrated with a feast of Moussaka...

a friday evening of cheese cake, whipped cream and warm Irish coffee,
A sunny but cold Saturday was spent in a warm(er) tent, with bread bowls of stew, hot apple cider, and delightful Irish music.


my favorite of the bands, Scythian, actually impressed us more with their gypsy and Jewish flavored fiddling than the true Irish stuff.

We had to say good-bye again, but Christmas isn't too far away.

five years after our own August wedding...

...we took our daughter on a very long car ride and celebrated the marriage of our friends Dave and Lauren in Springfield, Ohio.
It was a beautiful wedding. Full of hope, truth, love, honesty. And surrounded with intricate and bright stained glass windows, delicious food enjoyed at an art museum reception complete with some of our dearest friends.

Maya was pleased by the great power she seemed to hold over her new friends. Not one of them could refuse her constant pointing to be taken in a new direction, to see one more picture...especially when she tilted her head to one side, begged with her big blue eyes and wrinkled up nose, and her sweet little voice said 'peas'.



No one could refuse, but especially not our beloved Mandy.