Sunday, January 29, 2006

God has to destroy our determined confidence in our own convictions. We say, "I know that this is what I should do"-and suddenly the voice of God speaks in a way that overwhelms us by revealing the depths of our ignorance. We show our ignorance of Him in the very way we decide to serve Him. We serve Jesus in a spirit that is not His, and hurt Him by our defense of Him. We push His claims in the spirit of the devil; our words sound all right, but the spirit is that of an enemy.

-Oswald Chambers

Friday, January 27, 2006

Thursday, January 12, 2006

overheard story...

Barnes and Noble Cafe:

.."Yes....Cheryl and her husband are split again. When she showed up at the family Christmas, he handed her the divorce papers."

(yes, this is a very sad story.)

"he's going back to Linda for the third time. She's twenty years older than he is."

"And Cheryl says that this Linda weights about 200 pounds more than SHE does!!"

(Interesting, how important it is to include those details.)

he couldn't protect me.

As hard as Ryan tried to keep me from getting his sickness, he couldn't prevent it. So here I sit, watching the ARTS channel, trying to figure out the plot to a Richard Strauss opera while I try not to throw up anymore. Thinking I was just being a whimp, I tried to teach yesterday. But by late morning I knew I needed to get to the bathroom to throw up, but I was afraid I'd pass out on the way. I made it to the office to get a sub instead. My sweet dad brought me home, so I wouldn't have to drive.

I forgot what it's like to be sick. Sometimes when I'm working, the thought of staying at home and sleeping all day sounds nice...but I failed to remember how miserable it can actually be when you are too weak to do anything, but yet can't sleep from all the nausea and aching.
I'm starting to feel a little better today...actually eating some toast. By the end of today, I think I'll be much better. I hope poor Maya isn't starving.

At least I got it during the week. I might still get a weekend, unlike my poor husband.

Sunday, January 08, 2006


I've spent the weekend separated from my husband. Friday night, he slept on the couch. Then, he tried to kick me out of the house at three in the morning on Saturday, but I convinced him to let me stay until morning. When I woke up, I quickly packed up my clothes and left for my parents' house, without even a kiss good-bye. I came home at the end of the day, but I wasn't allowed into our bedroom. It was hard to go to church this morning alone.

I miss him.

We're not having marital problems.

He's sick. Probably the stomach flu. He spent most of Friday night, not on the couch, but kneeling in front of the toilet...loudly expelling all the food... and everything else from his stomach. He was so concerned about me avoiding his illness, that he cleaned the bathroom with clorox each time he threw up. Before I could come home on Saturday, he used Clorox wipes on every surface in our house....the telephones, doorknobs, light switches, faucet handles, etc.

Usually when Ryan is sick, he can hardly function. Sick Ryan normally requires great amounts of sympathy and constant attention. But even though he is feeling terrible, he is being so sweet and protective of Maya and I. We're so lucky.

He's finally starting to feel better today. Though on Saturday, he swore off eating for the rest of his life, he has now consumed a fair amount of Sprite, some applesauce, instant mashed potatoes, and a few rice cakes.