Sunday, September 11, 2005

they didn't need me.

I'm feeling down. but not as much as i thought.

I kind of knew after the audition that I didn't get the job. The pieces they chose were the most difficult, and I didn't play them flawlessly. And hearing another violinist in the warmup room next door helped me know what I was up against.

The personnel manager for the symphony just called to say that they had filled the positions that they needed and couldn't offer me a job in the symphony this year. "There were some really good candidates. It was a tough audition." The'll keep my name on their 'sub-list' in case they ever need one.

Sadly for me, this is kind of a first. I *imagine* the feeling of disapointment much more than it actually happens to me. So I guess it's good for me. I've never really taken a risk like that before. (We'll see if I ever do that again now!! :)

So...I really should have just kept this whole audition thing to myself. I know it shouldn't be, but public rejection is really worse.

Some recent conversations and circumstances in my life have put this in perspective though. It's disappointing, but my life is already too rich and full to complain. I have a near perfect life. An amazing husband...a really loving, fun family, and a job I love (that already takes up too much time). I am so blessed. A little disappointed today, but when I'm enjoying a few evenings at home this year, I'll think of how much more exhaused I could have been had I been allowed to take on one more thing.

In other news, I *will* be playing later this month at the Dogwood Center Black Box theatre again with two of the performing artists ('Mother Soul' and Chris Cordle) on September 24th. That will be a fun outlet. Maybe I'll get to do more freelance and studio playing this year than I thought.


Erica said...

I am proud of you that you gave it a shot. Keep in mind, you are only 24. My guess is that you were the youngest one to audition. I hope that you had a happy birthday. I love you!

Anonymous said...

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Daniel Rudd said...

your cello this morning was beautiful. Who needs the symphony? You can be in my rock band (with Isaac and Will).

Seriously. We're practicing this Saturday.

cheesy-spoosh said...

What a bummer. I guess God has other amazing plans for you at the moment. I admire your risk-taking and public sharing. I am glad i still get to listen to you on Sunday mornings. :)

Dad Corbin said...

This just means that instead of going to the Symphony every month we will now be going to the Dogwood to hear our favorite strings player. Plus, it looks like we'll need to buy some CD's that you'll be playing on. And Ang, you're a long way from your 'prime' - your playing sounds wonderful everytime I hear it.
I really need to get back to the "homework" that I hate! Love you.

Elaina said...

There've been alot of times in my life when God's turned something dissapointing into something for His glory.
Your dad was preaching about suffering today, like how Lazarous died so that God could raise him? I know it must hurt, but God can do amazing things with a gentle, sensitive spirit like yours! He is so awsome!

Kim said...

You are still the best musician that I know and the best teacher. I will be looking forward to hearing you in the Issac/Will rock band!!