Advent Prayer

Lord Jesus,

Master of both the light and the darkness,

send your Holy Spirit upon our preparation for Christmas.

We who have so much to do

seek quiet spaces to hear your voice each day.

We who are anxious over many things

look forward to your coming among us.

We who are blessed in so many ways long for

the complete joy of your Kingdom.

We whose hearts are heavy

seek the joy of your presence.

We are your people,

walking in darkness yet seeking the light.

To you we say

“Come, Lord Jesus”.

Amen.

~Henri Nouwen

The light...

...is near.

The tunnel just seems really crowded and impossible to navigate well.

I know I'll get there...and it will happen quickly. (Too quickly, in fact. I'm getting a little shaky just thinking about the pace of the next few weeks.) And along the way there will be several climactic and joyous moments to celebrate. Just a little worried about the quality of my task completion until then...and hoping there won't be too many horrifying moments of failure to mourn.

Certain things will suffer. I'll have to choose carefully.

I will also have to remind myself several times a day to slow my racing brain and frantic respiration to contemplate what is real.

Christmas is coming. And that Light will be beautiful to celebrate.

A Little House Christmas

We had an early little Christmas...in our little house (which feels a lot bigger with our new basement) with Aunt Kelly and Uncle Sean. Since they won't be 'home' for Christmas, they decided to spoil my daughters early with some perfectly chosen (and way too decadent) gifts while they were here for Thanksgiving. Kelly made for Maya a beautiful "Laura Ingalls" bonnet and apron...wrapped together in a basket with a little glass jar of chalk, her very own 'slate', some yarn and wooden beads for stringing and a book of Little House on the Prairie Crafts.
The bonnet and apron are seldom removed. (Every time I see her in her costume, it's a little reminiscent of my own childhood, spent dressed as "Old Mother Hubbard." ...now if only she she added some white plastic sunglasses with the lenses removed....)

Her beloved basket now sits by her bed holding all her new treasures and her copy of By the Shores of Silver Lake. In the book, it's Christmas Eve right now. And the family is warm and happy by the fire, listening to Pa's fiddle and enjoying oneanother's presents and presence. With each Ingalls' Christmas we read about, I am struck again by the simplicity, the love, and the contentment, despite the incredibly hard life that they live. A typical Ingalls' Christmas included some hard-earned or hand-made Christmas gifts: two sticks of candy, AND a pair of knitted socks, AND... a tin cup.
Inspired by her heroes, Maya had the idea to make a "Charlotte" rag doll for Sophie this year for Christmas. Last week, she sewed one button eye to the doll's face...and then told me that she was just too tired to do the other. I love that she wants to do this for her sister. I hope Sophie understands someday how hard her sister worked....but mostly, how deeply she is loved.



Sophie was also quite spoiled... receiving her very own shopping cart and cash register. They love to take turns being "Da Lady" (who runs the cash register) and "The Customer" who fills the cart with pretend food, and uses the credit card to "pay". Their pretend play seamlessly leaps through time-periods and characters. And it's pretty delightful to get to pretend with them...or just watch and listen.

Thank you, Kelly and Sean and Chloe.

The biggest problem with a 'people-pleasing' obsession

"We must continually remind ourselves that the first commandment requiring us to love God with all our heart, all our soul, and all our mind, is indeed the first. I wonder if we really believe this. it seems that in fact we live as if we should give as much of our heart, soul, and mind as posisble to our fellow human beings, while trying hard not to forget God...But Jesus claim is much more radical. He asks for a single-minded commitment to God and God alone. God wants all of our heart, all of our mind, and all of our soul."

--Henri J.M. Nouwen

Instead of walking in the continual presence of God, I often walk within the worry and sadness of my own (and sometimes others') perceived inadequacies, failures, relationships, and losses. In doing this, I disregard the love for us that God has so abundantly revealed in his coming. By choosing to walk in worry and doubt, concerned with the people around me (and all their worries, and fears, and expectations), I also ignore his command to walk in Him, to give him all of my heart, all of my soul, and all of my mind.
Today's advent reading from Matthew 22:34-38 (when Jesus tells the Pharisees about the most important commandment), challenges me to get rid of those old worries (and to deliberately choose one...to give up forever) in exchange for the "shelter of a loved and loving God."

We already had our 'fake' tree up...

...but Ryan took us to his childhood Christmas Tree farm for a snowy hayride, hot chocolate, and a fresh wreath for our front door.








In the midst of ethnomusicology research papers, Christmas program planning, church choir rehearsals, business trips, and the cleaning, and 'stuff'...we're loving all the Advent and Christmas traditions that are feeling more and more permanent in our family.

Harmony

Something I love from today's advent prayer...

Lord, let us seek harmony in our lives as the angels did when they announced the Christ Child's birth in perfect praise. Amen.

My new favorite advent 'calendar'...our Jesse Tree. Each day, we add a new piece of The Story to our Jesse Tree, another story of God's Rescue Plan. We start with the explanation of 'the Root of Jesse'....and the story of Jesse and his son David, and then going all the way back to Adam and Eve in the garden, Noah, Abraham,....all leading up to The Rescuer.

This is the unfinished version... a picture I took last week. (Now it's hanging up on our wall)

Lord, let my life be an unceasing prayer to you
despite its labors and losses;
grant me a gracious heart
that overflows with a gratitude to overcome
and wash away all my worries.
Amen.

-a prayer of Henri J. M. Nouwen

I don't actually have many real worries. At this point in my life, I have no practical needs to be anxious over, no physical burdens to bear, not even many of my own personal sorrows. So, I often make them up or take on those of others. I think I might look for things upon which to center my anxiety. And there is a lot of darkness in the world, so much heaviness to bear. I take the "bear one another's burdens" command very seriously. The danger in this for me, is that I tend to create something very ugly and self-centered out of a beautiful scriptural teaching.

Madeleine L'Engle (my favorite author, who would, of course, have something perfect to say 'to me' about this) wrote...

Compassion means to suffer with, but it doesn't mean to get lost in the suffering so that it becomes exclusively one's own. I tend to do this, to replace the person for whom I am feeling compassion with myself. --A Circle of Quiet

And this prayer from yesterday's advent reading so simply (and far more clearly and concisely than I could articulate) reminded me that my response to worry, my response to life, my response to Christ...should be unceasing prayer...and a heart of gratitude.

Gingerbread Men

I've always wanted to try making them. And lately, Maya has been quite enamored with the story of The Gingerbread Man. We have two versions of the story right now....one is from the library, and one was mine when I was a little girl.
Maya loves to "read" it...and all books. (No, not like one of those genius babies who can actually read, she just has them memorized). In fact, this morning, the first thing she said to me was "Momma. I Love You Forever isn't dood for me. It's...it's..too hard. I tant...I don't know how to read da words. It's not dood for me." She is so serious sometimes.

So last week, we had a fun afternoon baking, decorating, eating, ....and of course, acting out the story of The Gingerbread Man again and again and again....

Just after we finished our gingerbread men, I caught her with the book, but only managed to
sneak the camera in at the end of the story (when the fox has convinced the gingerbread man to stand on his nose). Most of the time, she is too aware of the camera to capture moments like this....


(Part of the video is hard to understand...when she gets quiet, she says..."Oh no. I'm a quarter gone!" Said the..."gingerbread man.")

"...to wash our Sin away..."

Today, while reading one of our favorite library books about Kindergarten, we read about Music time at school. The teacher in the story told the class that she was going to teach them a very old song for Christmas...in Latin. The music for Dona Nobis Pacem was on the next page. As I started singing it, Maya excitedly joined me "Do-na ---(hey! we know diss one!!! Huh! Hm. Yeah. We know it!) -----No-Peace Pah-chem Pah-chem."

At the end of the song, she was upset when I started to turn the page. She didn't think we had sung the "Christmas song" yet. So she began singing HER Christmas song from her class at church... (to the tune of Jingle Bells) "Christmas bells, Christmas bells, ring dem all a day....Ring dah news dat Jesus tame to wash our sins away." She turned to me and corrected my singing, "SinSSSS, Momma. You say SINN. I say SinSSS." I think she was trying to make a theological point? I still say Sin (with a big S) though I think it's both.

We talked a little bit about what sinsss are...disobeying, not being kind, and she added with a very serious face, her mouth twisted and eyes big "...and taughting (talking) lite a mean dirl." Yes, Maya. Talking like a mean girl. That is sin. And we have lots of messy sin.
She looked down at her hands, inspecting them...and nodded. "Yup. I dot sin on-nair. Hm. But...oh well." Lately she's picked up this frightening teenager-like flippant tone. Occasionally she even says "Whatever."

No Maya, it's in your heart. There is sin in your heart.
"OH???!" she said, sounding surprised and casually interested. After a moment she added with disapointment, "But I tant open it up. I tant see inn-nair."

Her unique....and limited? way of understanding big and small concepts about life is always humbling and clarifying for me....and often pretty funny.

But I'm realizing more and more how little she...or I can do about her heart. It isn't mine, and in many ways, I can't really help her with it.
Every day...hour...I pray that her little heart will stay soft. And that she will know more and more how deeply and completely she is loved by Him.

Let There be Peace on Earth...

The months of November and December bring so much anticipation and happiness. I love singing Christmas songs with my students; decorating my house with warm lights, gold ribbon, and deep red cranberries. This time of year also gives me an excuse to spend extra time (and money--which is also fun) thinking about the people I love and trying to find thoughtful gifts to show them how much they are known and loved. I'm feeling childishly silly anticipating my brother's family coming to stay in our new house with us, my parents' house filled with many of the people I love most, all of the Corbins sitting around the Christmas tree in our red flannel pajamas...awaiting our presents and our Christmas morning feast, Bing Crosby singing 'White Christmas', burning candles, Lynn's cookies, Marianne's Finnish Coffee bread, wrapping paper and ribbon....

And this year, Christmas has also brought new joys...telling Maya the story of baby Jesus over and over again as we open the doors of our 'house' (Advent Calendar) each day, hearing her walk around the house talking about the 'babies'(always plural) the 'sheep' and the 'shep-sheps' the 'WISE' and 'Mare-mare' and 'Jose.' She particularly loves the Angel that is known as 'Do-Do' (also the name of her beloved Grandma Go-Go). I think the angel in our nativity set got her name for the song she
is always singing...."Glo----------ria, in excelsis deo...' Maya has also picked up on the Santa/ St. Nicholas Christmas themes....marching around yelling 'HO, HO, HO, Merr--.' She loves filling in the blanks as we read...
"Twas the night before __________,
and all through the ________,
not a creature was stirring,
not even a _______!
The _______ were hung
by the ______ (she thinks it's 'chin' and she points to own) with care..."

But November and December also bring a lot of chaos, stress, and extra work. I'm right in the middle of the long string of Christmas performances (and this year, I also added an overnight Choir trip last week).
This week will bring the last of the performances... Thursday night, my Elementary choir will sing, the strings will play prelude in the hall, and my High School and Middle School Choirs will perform. Saturday, the West Shore Symphony's Home for the Holidays matinee concert at the Frauenthal will end the chaos for me.

And then, peace?

There's other chaos too. Deeper, darker worries. People. I guess relationships and communities hold far greater destructive and wounding potential than responsibilities and full calendars could ever hold. Those work 'stresses' seem light and silly this year... in the shadow of so much loss and pain and disappointment around me.

But I do have hope. I think that's the point of Advent. Waiting, feeling the depth of our need. Recognizing the hopelessness... and still hoping because of Jesus.

our holidays are full of music...

Sometimes, the Rudds may ever so slightly resemble that family from the movie, 'Dan in Real Life.'

Okay, maybe the resemblance isn't all that slight....so some of the in-laws are saying....

I'm not suggesting that we actually have 'shows' at every holiday, or that we all sometimes might just break out into 4, 5, & 6 part 'harmony' by the piano....

It might happen though.

Either way, here are some of the most beautiful musical moments from the holidays so far (Rudd and Corbins alike)...

a perfect Christmas concert for children...

Horse drawn sleigh rides through the downtown,
Christmas ornament decorating,
the West Shore Symphony Orchestra,
orchestra conducting lessons from a real conductor,
a chance to try all the musical instruments of the symphony...an "Instrument Petting Zoo!"



The West Shore Symphony Orchestra's "Family Traditions" pre-concert event
1:00-2:45pm, before the 3:00pm Matinee on Dec. 16th
Specially priced main floor reserved seating and holiday activities for the whole family!




Special Matinee Offer...
BUY ONE TICKET,
GET ONE FREE!
ALL REMAINING
REGULAR PRICED SEATS,
MATINEE ONLY!

For more information call 231-726-3231 or visit www.wsso.org.
Tickets are available at the Frauenthal Box Office, or at Star Tickets Plus Outlets, online at www.starticketsplus.com, or by calling 800-585-3737. Ticket prices are $14-$41 with discounts for students, seniors, and groups.

Snow Day

My school is closed.

We were planning to stay home anyways. Maya and I were, that is. We both wish 'Daddy' could be home too.

We're feeling very tucked-in and sheltered from the blustery scene outside our window. Days at home without a mile long to-do list are always refreshing. But the icy wonderland outside and the mountain of snow in our driveway make our quiet warm house seem even more serene.

Tomorrow will be filled with activity...accompanying a viola student at Solo & Ensemble, conducting my string ensembles in their Christmas Concert at the Art Museum, visiting Barnes & Noble to hear a student String Quartet, and dinner with friends.

But today, ethereal Christmas music sung by choirs in far away cathedrals has been floating through our house all day (compliments of our beloved Pandora Radio).

And we're basking in the pleasure of... a new story book from Great Grandma Corbin (with Maya's own hand-crocheted mitten), hazelnut coffee, warm baths (one for each of us), restful reading, the scent of clean laundry,...







...and Maya's first Christmas tree.

'Tis the Season

A month of performances...

...tomorrow I'm taking my High School String Quintet to the Art Museum to play Christmas music for the "Festival of Trees"

...Thursday, I'm being observed by our Assistant Superintendent

...Saturday, all of my String Ensembles are giving a 12:00 Christmas Concert at the Muskegon Museum of Art..after I accompany one of my viola students at Solo & Ensemble in the morning

...next Tuesday, I'm taking my Middle and High School Choirs to sing Christmas Carols at the Hume Home

...Tuesday, Dec. 12th, my HS Choir is singing at a dinner for brain injury victims downtown Muskegon.

...and Thursday, Dec. 14th, all of my musical groups (K-4th music classes, Strings students, Middle & High School Choirs) have the Calvary Christian School Christmas Concert...

..and Saturday, Dec. 16th, Ryan and I are volunteering at the West Shore Symphony's "Home for the Holidays" Christmas Event

Somewhere in the next few weeks....I'll finish Christmas shopping, enjoy every day with Maya, focus my heart on the hope of Advent, prepare my mind and spirit for Christmas...and the peace that it brings.

...and I'll be dreaming of Christmas break, of hot baths & hot chocolate, finishing a book or two, sleeping by the Christmas tree, evening conversations with family, and days with Maya.

It's time....right?

Maybe this weekend....

feeling sick

I would like to finish wrapping our Christmas presents, send Christmas cards, finish the laundry, make several dozen cookies for Ryan's friends at work, the staff at school, and my students...to celebrate their great performance and for their last class before Christmas. But instead, I'm laying in the couch...feeling miserable.

The pregnancy nausea is over, but my draining sinuses are reviving that sick stomach feeling. My lungs are already a bit cramped for space, and the lack of oxygen flow through my nose is making me more than a little dizzy...and the pressure in my head.... sore throat, aching ears...... the pain and pressure in my lower abdomen from my growing baby makes laying on the couch even more appealing....maybe even necessary.

I'll stop whining now. I only have to work one day this week....hm....snow day tomorrow??

Only three more days until our ultra sound....then brother Andy arrives, then Christmas!!! then another week off!!
life is good.

I'm done!

Last night was my students' final performance of the season. As I mentioned before, I had several.

In fact, just on Monday, a small ensemble of my High School Choir students sang some Christmas medleys and hymns at a dinner for brain injury survivors. It was a small, casual event in a church fellowship hall. Just before we sang, I took the students out a door into another room to warm up. No lights were on, but we could tell by the echo that it was a gym. Since we would just be a minute, I didn't mind the dark, but a couple of students persisted in trying to find the light switch for us. Finally someone found the switch. Only strangely, when he turned it on, the room was not filled with light. Instead, an incessant, loud, and urgent fire alarm sounded. Embarrassed, I re-entered the fellowship hall to seek assistance. I was relieved to find that the incredibly loud noise was not heard in the room of brain injury survivors....just the rest of the building. No one in the building knew what to do, and one of my students figured out how to turn the alarm off. So, we began our concert. My pianist was about to begin the intro to our first song when she called me over to the piano, "Mrs. Corbin, that wouldn't happen to be the fire department out in the parking lot, would it??" It was.

Last night, our concert was not so eventful. It *was* long (5th grade Band, Jr. High Band, High School Band, Middle School Choir, High School Choir, Beginner Strings, Intermediate Strings, Advanced Strings, Kindergarten, and Elementary Choir) Yes,...all in one concert. I was responsible for all but the bands. It was an amazingly complicated production....because of the number of fast stage changes and diverse sound equippment needs, and the sheer number of students involved. Since I was out in front of the stage conducting...with no control over about a hundred of my students waiting back stage, I just prayed that they would all show up on stage at the right time. They did. It was thrilling and exhausting. And just after the lights went out on stage and I was greeting my family and students' parents with smiles, I exclaimed into my (still on) microphone, "I'm Done!!"

With aching feet and a sore back, I crashed into bed as soon as I arrived home. And this morning, I received the most wonderful surprise phone call at 6:00 AM.
A snow day.
And so far, this is what I've done...

...finally, ten wonderful hours spent here...


















...and almost two hours spent here...



















...with this...




...and this.