Sunday, August 21, 2005

getting nervous

maybe it's the frapuccino I just finished at midnight...

I'm so jittery.

The West Shore Symphony just updated it's website-posting dates and requirements for their auditions...less than a month away! I just finished marking my music, downloading recordings of the pieces, and searching for online performance notes and advice from other violinists. That prep work *feels* like practice. But it's not. And now I need to...though my neighbor who is preaching in a few hours might not appreciate my midnight serenade. I'll have to wait until tomorrow.

It isn't like me to publicly announce opportunities for failure. I'm usually quite secretive about plans like this. In a few weeks, I may be blogging about my terrible audition experience. But I've already committed to this, so at least I'll have to follow through...whatever the results.

I would be so happy to be even a substitute violinist. But it looks like they only have one regular violin opening, and the auditions are in Grand Rapids, so that could immensely broaden the competetive aspect. If they're looking for locals, I'm that. But my instinct tells me that they're looking for professionals. I'd like to be that, but my experience just isn't. I'm a teacher, who wants to play professionally.

The rehearsal schedule is quite full. So maybe this is too much right now anyways. I'm still going to try. I'll just console myself with that if they don't hire me.

On a calmer note....I love Mr. Darcy.
Misconceptions, pride, ...and prejudice. Oh the drama of Jane Austen.



ang, i can feel your anxiety just reading this.

they may be looking for locals, or professionals, but it doesn't matter. what you bring to that audition is *you*, and when that time starts the space is yours. practice, yes. but when it comes down to it, just play like you always have, with passion and vulnerability. and if they don't hire you, you really *can* be comforted by knowing you were true to yourself and your interpretation of the music in that audition. and the next one is less scary..but I believe they will, of course, hire you. :)

Redbaerd said...

have you seen *B*ride & Prejudice yet?

We really liked it -- its an odd, yet delightful psuedo-Bollywood adaptation of P & P.

I'm REALLY proud/glad that you're going through with this. I know the feeling of not-measuring-up keenly -- its part of any writer's craft...but there is a kind of peace in being able to hold together your limits and your gifts -- which is kind of what Katie says beautifully above...!

Love you!

Daniel Rudd said...

Don't worry. If you don't make the symphony (which of course you will), you can still be in my army.

PS. Either way you will still be the kind of person who wouldn't post on one siblings blog-without first responding to an e-mail recieved from another sibling at an earlier date. That's another thing you'll still have going for you.