Wednesday, August 17, 2005

on my mind tonight...

...the validity of asking questions without finding answers. the exhaustion that comes from questioning everything.

...church. how i usually determine my own personal 'satisfaction' with church by considering how my intellectual, emotional, entertainment needs are met. how i really long to please Christ...to be a loving bride. to honor his sacrifice by learning to love and submit as He did. to build and strengthen Christ's body by living a life of love, forgiveness, and grace instead of cynicism and pride.

...sadness that my brother Daniel won't be my pastor for very much longer. I've loved it.

...the obnoxious amount of screaming that goes on at concerts...especially 'Christian concerts'...where the lines are not always clear about whether we are screaming about Jesus or Toby Mac.

...dreading the close of summer, and the freedom i enjoy these days.

...loving my students and being energized by the time i spent with them today. kindergarteners are really fun. so are high-schoolers. my job is perfect.

...Ryan...is so almost done with school. I can't wait to feel that burden lifted for him.

...how much i really like the movie, "Love Actually."

...cherishing the amazing neighbors we find ourselves living next to...

...the sadness of realizing that relationships are different from what they used to be. that things I've shared with people...are no longer something we have in common...that i've changed (in good ways and bad). that i've hurt people. that i've been a bad friend who sometimes uses people. that i act out of selfish motives...often.

...gratitude...to have so many wise, loving people in my life to learn from and talk (write) to about ideas, about faith, about truth.

6 comments:

Ang said...

daniel is just not being the pastor anymore...at the end of september (his decision). he's not sure what he'll do next...freelance video & photography, raising yaks, violin making, zookeeping, writing,...
i think andrea wonders most what he's doing :)
love actually. great pictures of life and love. definately not a movie for every audience.

Kate Rudd said...

Ang,
Although we came to few solid conclusions last night, and the ones we did find were not flattering to either one of us :) , I so enjoyed our conversation. I value your friendship, cousin-ship, ideas, and questions..
As for Daniel, I vote that he makes a documentary..about the reaction of a wealthy small-town zoning commission to the presence of a yak in a local backyard. He could call it "Yaks and Yachts: A year long journey of one yak into the hearts and minds of one country club.."

Anonymous said...

...cherishing the amazing neighbors we find ourselves living next to...

WHERE WAS THAT SENTENCE???!!!

Ang said...

oh..it's the third paragraph up from the bottom.
i don't know how you missed it?!!
sheesh. calm down.

Jason said...

I thought to myself, "that's a cool thing to write about," and so I sat down to scribble my thoughts... There's no new post on our blog today.

Thanks for sharing those things! Some heavy stuff as well as the general principle of noticing the "little things." A great read w/ my coffee this morning!

Ang said...

hmmm....

looking back to this date, I must have had something else on my mind that night.

according to ultrasounds and our doctor, Maya was conceived :)

(2-16-06)